Page 143 of Frozen Flames

“It’s messed up, but it was easier to risk it with Claire and to take a chance on sexual…encounters because I was physically stronger then and hadn’t had any accidents in a while. Also, it was obvious that I could…get hard around Claire. Meanwhile, I couldn’t with Gemma. I don’t know why.”

“Perhaps it doesn’t even matter. Gemma is the past. Your body reacted that way, and you fell in love with Claire. So that’s our focus from now on. You might get angry with Gemma still, that frustration might come and go, but the whole point is to make sure you don’t let that feeling encroach on your other relationships.”

I nod.

“People have choices,” he goes on. “When they choose us, it’s a precious gift. There are millions of men that Claire could’ve fallen for, and she chose you. She loves you and wants a sexual relationship with you, and that must count for something. Even on days when you’re not feeling as confident.”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Things are different with her. I still wish I could go back though. I’d do anything to walk again.”

“Even go back in time?” Dr. Lee wonders. “Would you go back pre-accident with Gemma and walk again, but never meet Claire?”

I look away, trying to process the disturbing emotions I feel from such a heavy question. All the thoughts and what-ifs it brings to the surface. “That’s not a fair question…” I swallow, trying to contain the overwhelming wave of sadness and conflict I feel coming on. “I don’t fucking know. I mean…this accidentruined my life and destroyed me, and I still feel the weight of all of it crushing me almostdaily. But…Claire has revived me, and I more than love this woman, even though I know I messed up.”

“It’s okay,” he tells me. “You don’t have to answer. It doesn’t even matter either way.”

I’m relieved when he realizes the impossibility of his question, because deep down, no matter how much I love Claire with all my heart, I wouldloveto be able to walk again and be the old me.

Even Dr. Lee swallows as he uncrosses his legs and puts his iPad and pen aside. “What you went through was horrible, but you’re strong, Harvey.”

“Maybe.” I chuckle. “I’ll never be grateful this happened to me though.”

“Perhaps it’s not about accepting this new life and its challenges with gratitude. Perhaps it’s accepting what is and what has happened, and being grateful for the life that you can have now, today.”

I’m glad the session is over because I feel like crying like a little bitch.

I need to go home.

And game.

And de-stress.

I see Audrey in front of the grocery store on Saturday morning.

“Audrey!” I say, a little loud, ensuring she hears me. When she turns around, looking at me with an incredulous stare, I ask her, “How is she?”

This might be a rude way to start a conversation, but I can’t help it.

I miss hanging out with Claire.

And I want her back.

Now that I’m doing much better and putting the past behind me, I know we can do this—the proper way.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself? She’s inside.” She points to the store with her chin.

I wheel into the store quicker than I ever have since I’ve been in this chair. When I finally spot her, she’s in a white flowy dress, her breasts on display and her hair tied up.

She looks amazing, and as always, her manicured nails match her outfit.

When she notices me, her eyes widen and she looks surprised as she clears her throat. “Harvey,” she says softly.

And just like that, we’re back to where we first started.

Except we get to start on a fresh page.

I want that badly for us.

I know that Dr. Lee would say I’m moving too fast. But I doubt that the guy understands how easily Claire could end up with someone else. She’s mesmerizing, and I want her all to myself.

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