Page 129 of Frozen Flames

“We love you, son.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

This is the thing about going through painful moments in life. You can’t always pick and choose the way people will be there for you when you need them. They might mean well and want to help by imposing their ideas on you, and in some ways thatmight make you feel even lonelier, as if they couldneverpossibly understand.

And how could they?

They get to fucking walk every day.

It’s not something they think or worry about.

It just is.

They’re not seen as outcasts. Some of us are.

We might even be seen as lazy for it—if you gain a few pounds, look paler, can’t keep your life together, want to end the pain.

My dad leaves, and eventually someone else comes into my room.

I’m facing the window in my chair, natural light streaming into my room like sunshine after rain.

“Harv.” I hear Gemma behind me.

She got here fast.

“I wasn’t going to do it.” I try to alleviate her guilt right away. “I thought about it for a split second, and I knew, deep down, I wasn’t going to do it, so don’t worry.”

I notice movement in my peripheral vision as I turn around. I see her sitting on the bed, wrapping her arms around her knees like she’s always done, staring down at her feet.

“What made you think about it?” Gemma whispers.

“I don’t know.” I don’t want to make her feel as if this is her fault, but at the same time, I don’t want to ruin what I have with Claire and disclose the fact that she left me.

Besides, I’m still hoping Claire and I can make it work.

So I go with part of the truth instead. “The first few days after you left were hell. It got better, but when Hen told me the news, it felt like we were really over—even though I already knew it. The pain came back andfuckdoes it hurt.”

It’s not a lie.

It did hurt hearing the news. It confirmed that she had moved on. And I know that Claire knows that. I mean, she even said it herself.

It’s just that losing Claire was the cherry on top.

The pain I never wished to experience.

Gemma grabs my hand, and I feel the need to spit out the truth. “You’re right. I do love Claire. I’m sorry I kept lying.”

“Harv, don’t. We both messed up. Listen, I can only hope that with time we forgive each other.”

Yeah, I guess that might be possible one day.

“My dad’s forcing me to get therapy.” I chuckle at the thought. “Fuck it, maybe Idoneed it. I’m still angry at you,” I say, unable to let it go apparently, despite my best efforts.

“Therapy will help, and if you decide to go with Claire sometimes, it might benefit both of you,” she encourages.

Right.

If she takes me back.

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