Page 275 of Secret Shifters Next Door

Still exhausted beyond belief, I’d managed to write a group text to everyone who’d messaged me.

I’m fine.Thanks, guys. I’ll be at work in a couple of days. Seriously, thanks.

I’d turnedover to go back to sleep. It wasn’t until my eyes were slipping closed that I realized I hadn’t eaten anything in over two days. My stomach roared, but I still slipped into unconsciousness. That time, I only slept twelve hours and woke at six in the morning.

I should have been ravenous, but I barely managed to keep down a slice of buttered toast. That alone made my stomach hurt, like I’d devoured two Thanksgiving dinners in one sitting. This was what depression was like, I reminded myself. Slowly trudging through the day, feeling like nothing mattered, like you didn’t matter.

A few days later when I finally made it into the office, it only took a second for me to realize I wasn’t looking much better than I felt.

I opened the door and stepped in. Kennedy looked up from her computer, her always-perky smile dying as soon as she laid eyes on me. “Mr. Walker? Are you okay?”

She never called me "Mr. Walker,” and that clued me in on just how bad I looked. “I’m fine, Kennedy. Where are the guys?”

“Um, I think they’re back in Miles’s office.”

“Thanks.”

I walked down the hall, feeling like my feet weighed a hundred pounds. Each step I took was slow and deliberate. When I rounded the corner and entered Miles’s office, the guysall turned. The dismay on their faces removed any shred of doubt that I looked like myself.

“I take it I look like hell?” I said in greeting.

Steff got to his feet and walked toward me. “Bro, you look like shit. Dried-up shit.”

“I appreciate your candor,” I said, trying to sound sarcastic, but there was no fervor behind it.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Miles asked, leaning across his desk toward me.

I considered lying, but I’d been through hell with these guys. With Liam gone, they were the closest I had to brothers. My face crumpled, but thank God I didn’t start crying. “I feel like crap. Like, there’s nothing but emptiness. Hollow, you know. I’m depressed and tired, and every nerve, bone, and muscle in my body aches. I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

Tate took the seat beside me and lowered his head until we were eye to eye. “Blayne, do you know how rare fated mates are?”

I nodded. “Very rare.”

“Right. Like one in every three- or four-hundred mating pairs. Maybe even fewer. I’ve never heard of a pair of fated mates breaking up. It’s a soul-binding connection. Ava rejecting you can’t be easy. None of us could understand what you’re going through.”

“It’s rough,” I conceded. “I assumed it wouldn’t be as bad since it was a forced pairing. Like, the curse did it. It wasn’t a natural connection.”

“Yeah, but she was still chosen to be your mate. It’s hard to go against something that strong. Fate brought her to you.”

I barked a laugh. “Right. If I didn’t already have enough evidence that Fate sucks after the last year or two, this is it. Fate is no friend to us.”

The others glanced at each other, sharing a look. Steff shrugged. “I don’t know. Our lives have gone okay. Sometimes you have to trust what happens.”

I shook my head. “Screw that. I’m glad you guys found happiness, I really am. I don’t want you guys to think I’m bitter or anything. It’s only that Iknow, without a doubt, that there is no place in my life for Ava.”

“Go on home, man. You don’t need to be here in this condition. Maybe things will get better in a few days,” Miles said.

As much as I wanted to argue, all I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed. I nodded as I stood. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Tate put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay? You can come stay with me and Harley. We have that extra guest bedroom if you don’t want to be alone.”

“No, I’m good. Besides, I don’t think Jordyn or Mariah would enjoy a sullen and heartbroken guy moping around the house. Teenagers like happiness, and I am not in the mood to pretend. I’ll be fine, for real. Thanks, though,” I said as I moved down the hallway toward the door.

My day didn’t get any better. Nor did the next day. After a week of torment, I went back to work, even though Miles told me to stay away. I simply couldn’t handle being home alone with my own thoughts anymore. Ihadto do some work. If nothing else, it would get my mind off the fractured relationship I currently had with my panther.

I’d barely been able to sense him since the night Ava had rejected me. He was there, but he was so deep inside me, he was almost imperceptible. When I did get a whisper from him, it was always full of agony. He was mourning, absolutely devastated, and I couldn’t get him out of his funk. Hell, how could I get him out if I couldn’t even get myself out?

The day sped by in a blur, and I was pretty sure I’d basically done nothing of note. Frustrated and pissed off, I left the office and headed home, chastising myself the entire way. Ever since I ran into Ava at the cemetery, I’d basically turned into one big, walking asshole. I needed to figure out how to get back on track. I couldn’t stand feeling and acting this way.

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