Page 47 of Thawed Gladiator: Cassius

And maybe, someday, I’ll be worthy of telling Diana what I discovered in this sacred space—that I love her, not because I need her, but because loving her makes me want to be the best version of myself.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Cassius

The car’s headlights sweep across the familiar buildings of Second Chance as we pull through the manned security gates onto the gravel road. Everything looks exactly the same, yet somehow different—like a dream remembered in the harsh light of morning. My shoes, still damp from the rain, squish slightly as I step out of the car.

Varro stands on the porch of the main house, his broad frame silhouetted against the warm light behind him. He says nothing as I approach, just watches with those calm, measuring eyes that miss nothing.

“Vides ut stercore,” he finally says in Latin. You look like shit.

A rueful laugh escapes me. “I feel worse.”

He studies me for a long moment, then steps aside to let me enter. The house is quiet, dark except for a single lamp in the living room. On the coffee table, I spot a half-empty cup of coffee and what looks like a history book. He not only learned to speak English, he reads it. He must have been waiting up.

“The others?” I ask, though I already know the answer.

“Asleep. Or pretending to be.” He gestures for me to sit. “Laura wanted to wait up, but I convinced her to rest. She’s had a long day dealing with the fallout of your… departure.”

The shame hits me fresh. “I’m sorry,” I say, the words feeling inadequate even as they leave my mouth.

“I’m not the one who needs to hear that.” Varro’s voice is neutral, but his meaning is clear. “Your old bunk is waiting for you. Get some sleep.”

I rise, but can’t leave without asking. “Diana? She… didn’t leave, did she?”

“She’s still here. Her program is important. She’s important. As are you, Cassius. But you will not hurt people again. Not on purpose. Go. Sleep. We’ll discuss expectations after we’ve all gotten some sleep. Tomorrow will be… challenging.”

I nod, knowing I deserve it.

He was right. When I enter the dining hall the next morning, the usual boisterous conversation dies the moment I cross the threshold. Faces turn away, shoulders stiffen, chairs scrapeagainst the floor as people create more distance between us. The silence is deafening.

I grab a piece of bread and sit at the empty end of the table, not daring to approach any of my former friends. Thrax, usually the most forgiving of the group, deliberately turns his back when I glance his way. Quintus mutters something that makes those around him laugh darkly.

That’s okay. I know better than most that actions have consequences.

Diana isn’t here. The relief of not having to face her mingles with disappointment at not seeing her. It’s as though my bodily humors can feel her pull even though she’s hundreds of paces away. Now that many of my memories have returned, I realize I’m drawn to her in a way I’ve never been before. It’s new and powerful and, at least at this moment, utterly doomed.

After what feels like an eternity, I can’t take the hostile silence anymore. I stand, scrape my plate knowing every eye in the room is watching me, and head toward Laura’s office. I need to do something, anything, to start making this right.

I find her at her desk, surrounded by papers. She looks up as I enter, her expression carefully neutral.

“Laura, I—”

She holds up a hand, stopping me. “If you’re here to apologize, save it. Actions matter more than words.”

I nod, swallowing hard. “I want to help with the riding program. In whatever way you’ll allow. Even if it’s just mucking out stalls or carrying feed.”

“Out of all the work that needs to be done on all this acreage, you want to return to the riding program? Do you think you can just decimate Diana, leave, and then come back as though nothing happened?” Her voice is sharp. “I doubt she’ll agree to it, but I’ll leave it up to her.” She pauses and spears me with a disapproving look. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“I’ll respect whatever boundaries she sets,” I say quietly. “I know I’ve lost any right to—” I stop, my hands flopping at my sides, unable to finish the thought.

Laura studies me for a long moment, eyes slit, lips pressed in a tight line, nostrils flaring. “The program needs help,” she finally says. “We’ve had more student applicants since the mayor’s initial resistance died down. But understand this—if Diana allows you to help, you’ll be working under her direction. If she says jump, you ask how high. If she tells you to leave, you leave. Are we clear?”

“Perfectly.”

“And Cassius?” She stands, her voice hardening. “If you ever again speak to anyone the way you did that night, if you let that arrogant patrician inside you rear his ugly head again, you’re out. No second chances. I’ll give you your share of the trust money. It will be enough for you to have a full-time assistant and to live in a nice place of your choosing. It just won’t be here. Understood?”

I meet her gaze steadily. “Yes. I understand.”

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