Page 13 of Zen's Crash

Me: We need to work harder to sync our schedules.

LawlessHate: Ain’t that the truth.

LawlessHate: You’re not gonna believe what I’m seeing in the KryptoKlan forum right now.

I head over to have a look and immediately know what she’s referring to.

Me: Some dumbass has his crypto seed phrase out in the open. I can’t believe anyone intelligent enough to buy crypto could be so careless.

LawlessHate: Girl, you know what to do.

Me: I zap the money right out of his wallet and isolate it into my cold storage wallet.

LawlessHate: Don’t give that idiot back his crypto without making him sweat.

Me: Agreed. We both know that if I make it easy, he won’t learn anything.

LawlessHate: That fool is damn lucky you stole his money before a real thief picked it off him. Someone needs to create a rule that forces newbies to takean e-learning class on digital security before they’re allowed to buy crypto.

Me: Whoever this is, must be extra stupid. They had five grand in their wallet and weren’t careful with their seed phrase.

LawlessHate: Wish I could stay long enough to see them squirm but I’ve gotta head to work. Let me know how it all works out, Chaos.

Me: Will do. Be sure to lock your doors and have a good day.

Now, I know that I’m probably annoying my friend by telling her to lock her doors. She’s a grown-ass woman and knows how to be safe in the world. The problem is the little voice in the back of my head wants me to caution everyone to be safe because I’ve learned the hard way that it only takes one time of forgetting to lock the door for something bad to happen. She takes it all in stride and I appreciate her not making me feel weird about what has become one of my biggest flaws.

I watch the newbie panicking because his money has been stolen. I don’t say anything for a while because I want him to calm down a bit so we can have a real conversation. I need for him to know that the world is full of people who will steal your crypto, break into your house, and even kill your beloved family members if you give them half a chance. This kid needs to smarten up and he needs to do it fast. Later on down the line, when he realizes how wildly negligent he was, he’ll thank me for saving him from having his money stolen for real. I’m sure of it. And this is why I love being social on the internet instead of in real life, I can be who I want to be without fear.

In real life, I’m a perpetually scared woman who’s always looking over her shoulder, afraid that a cold-blooded killer is looking for me. I live in the safe room of my family home, work a remote day job, get my groceries delivered, and rarely leave my house.

However, on the internet, I’m free as a bird—anonymous, confident, and powerful. I can be anyone I want, do anything I want, and prove to myself and my friends that I have compassion, integrity, and that I am willing to rescue some hapless fool from himself. Online, I have a life, and I matter. This is something I desperately need in my life right now.

Eventually, the newbie circles back around to me. Their screen name is WiseInvestor. They clearly aren’t very wise though.

WiseInvestor: You stole from me.

Me: How did you arrive at that conclusion?

WiseInvestor: I talked to everyone else who was active on the platform when my money was stolen. They all say they didn’t take it.

Me: Oh, in that case, I didn’t take it either.

WiseInvestor: What? No. It has to be you.

Me: It’s not logical to think that if we all say we didn’t take your crypto then it must be the last person you talked to. You know that, right?

WiseInvestor: I’m not stupid. You stole my money, and I want it back.

Me: How exactly did I steal your crypto?

WiseInvestor: You know how. My seed phrase was accidentally exposed.

Me: That wasn’t an accident. It was just negligence on your part.

WiseInvestor: Whatever. Give me my damn money back.

Me: If you take an online training course on digital security, I might help you get your money back.

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