Page 8 of Possessing Her

“I do it. I big boy.” He stomps his feet to the toilet, and I keep my eye out to make sure he doesn’t make a mess of himself. It took me exactly one time to realize jeans are a pain in the ass when a little boy is trying to use the restroom, especially if we’re out and about like today. Needless to say, I only buy them and ask him to wear jeans when absolutely necessary. His outfit today consists of a tee shirt with his favorite dinosaur emblazoned on the front, khaki shorts, sneakers, and he’s absolutely slathered in sunscreen.

“Alright, I’m going to wash my hands. I think it’s snack time when we go back. What do you think?” I walk to the sink, do what I said I was going to, and look at myself in the mirror. A full night of sleep under Isla and Santiago’s roof has done wonders for the bags under my eyes. The meals I’ve been fed have helped, too, and then we got down to business last night about them willingly giving me a loan for an attorney when it comes to Sebastian if things aren’t taken care of with Johnny.

“Here I am,” Sebastian says, singing a classic rock song. He might be obsessed with dinosaurs, but he’s also obsessed with rock ballads. “Rock me wike a hurricane,” he finishes his song and also finishes taking care of himself. I have to laugh. Seb might not know Johnny, yet he definitely has his music taste, partially my doing wanting him to have a piece of my husband that I can share with Sebastian. Where I’m a country music listener, Johnny always had rock playing in the house anytime we were home, especially while he cooked.

“Scorpions today?” I ask once he flushes the toilet, hiking his leg up to use his foot to press down on the lever.

“Yep, all done.”

“Time to wash your hands. You know the rules.” Seb marches toward me.

“Okay.” I lift him and use the top of my thigh to prop him up while he douses his hand with way more soap than necessary.

“You might want to use some water, or we’ll be here all day,” I suggest, pressing the cold water tap to get him moving. He plays with the water until well after the soap has disappeared. I grab some paper towels for him, and he does the rest.

“I ready to pway. Snack later.” He tries to tell me what he’s doing.

“That’s fine. I still want you to drink some water first, okay?” Sebastian nods in response, and we head out the door. This time he walks, wraps his hand in mine, and leads the way.

“I wike it here. We stay?” We’re halfway back to where my bag is. Doing away with a diaper bag is an incredibly freeing feeling. The backpack I keep in the car has a change of clothes for us both, wet wipes, snacks, and a small first-aid kit. The side pockets hold his insulated cup with a straw for Seb, and I have a similar one on the other side except bigger.

“We’ll see, buddy.” My heart is in my throat at his question. In a perfect world, we’d never leave, he’d have the family he deserves, and I’d fix my marriage back to where it was.

“Okay.” We finish our walk, and Seb takes off to go after his water. His mind goes from one subject to the next. He’s already dropped the moving part and is on to attacking the bag, pulling his water out and taking big gulps.

“Were you thirsty?” I tease, taking a seat and doing the same. He nods and hands me back the thermos.

“I pway now?” he asks.

“Yep, stay where I can see you.” He has already taken off. My eyes stay locked on his back as he runs through the mulch-covered ground. This area is open, has a chain link fence, and theonly time I can’t see him is when he’s sliding down the tunnel slide.

“He mine?” I don’t move, I don’t take a breath, and I don’t say one single word. He’s not going to leave, not until I answer his question, except right now, I’m at an utter loss on how to go about this conversation. Instead, I wait him out.

6

JOHNNY

“Winnie, answer me.” I took a detour when I spotted my wife’s car at the park. Heading to my parents’ to sit down and talk to them is now at the back of my mind. I couldn’t stay away from Winnie even if I tried, especially after I saw what I saw. I pulled in beside a car I would know anywhere; the dark color, the tinted windows, and the license plate gave it all away. Winnie didn’t change her license, didn’t change her registration, which meant I kept the insurance and everything that goes along with owning a car up to date. The first time the bill came in, I sat it on my desk, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with it. We’d been away from one another for nearly four months. Still, I paid the bill and kept at it. I’d come to the stark realization that shit got out of hand way too quickly. I’d delivered some harsh words that now, after years of being without her, I know I’d change.

As my mother so eloquently stated, if that were your sister, speaking about my older sister, I’d have never given up on her. We’d all follow her to Jupiter to help her. She set me straight real quick, gave me more facts of life that I never knew, and left me speechless. Of course, I had questions, a lot of them. Duringher rant, she switched from English to Spanish then back to English. My head fucking spun. Dad broke it down to me that Mom’s cousin had an addiction problem, the whole family came together to help him in whatever way they could, and with that, he made it through to the other side. She also went on to say, sometimes it doesn’t work out that way, but what you don’t do is abandon your wife because you’re tired of helping carry the load. Harsh and truthful.

“Johnny.” There’s a hitch in her voice. Her back is still turned to me, and after getting an up close and personal view of the two of them, I get it. I sat and watched as she ran with a boy whom I’ve never met before to the restroom, hearing them giggle and laugh together. Never in my life did I think I’d be an outsider in Winnie’s life, except I am.

My wife is a mom now. The only question I’m unsure of is who’s the father.

“Alright, I’ll re-word this differently. Did you leave me because of him?”

“Yes.” Her voice comes out torn and broken. I close my eyes, clench my fists on the back of the bench so hard, I wouldn’t be surprised if the wood splintered. I left out the business plan to Night Moves; I wanted to take the club to the next level. Now it seems like it could have been part of the reason Winnie left all along. My thirst for more pushed her away and right into her sister’s hands.

“Fuck me, you’re not giving me a whole lot of answers, cariño.” I see her shoulders tremble.

“You won’t like any of them, and I’m not ashamed to beg for the divorce. Please, if you can’t do it for me, do it for him.” I move until I’m in front of her, going to my haunches, and look at her. I’m careful not to block her view of who I’m coming to realize is a boy who looks exactly like my wife—the blond hair,the blue eyes, the same porcelain skin, and, goddamn, his smile. It’s exactly like hers, enough to light you up from the inside out.

“Can’t and won’t do that until I know. Is he mine?” I watch as she closes her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks, and as much as I want to touch her, I won’t. Not yet. Not while this hangs around my neck like a rope ready to tighten at any given minute.

“I wish he were. God, how I wish he were yours.” She opens her eyes as her gut-wrenching words hit me. Ones I’ve been afraid of since I laid my eyes on the two of them.

“Soy un idiota.”I’m an idiot.I hang my head, rest my elbows on the tops of my thighs, and look at the ground. It’s like a perfect fucking storm. I pushed her away, and she ran as fast as she could to another man.

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