Page 17 of Possessing Her

“Yeah, so, there wasn’t a funeral. I didn’t put it in the newspaper. I had her cremated, received permission from a state park, and spread her ashes. Allowing her to finally be free. She may have put me through the wringer, causing me to need more therapy than I ever thought possible, but I also realized this addiction, no, this disease isn’t something that’s easily curable. The success rate is around forty to sixty percent, which means there’s just as much of the same rate for failure.” This isn’t even the worst part about what Sebastian and I have been through. I’d go through it all a million times over if it meant I could protect my nephew. Now, fate isn’t in my hands; it’s in the state of Georgia’s along with Johnny’s. It’s ultimately up to other people on how things will play out.

“I didn’t understand that until Mom got her hooks in me, I made a lot of mistakes, and the biggest one was giving you an ultimatum. Fuck, I’m sorry, Winn. So damn sorry for being a dick, for you going through all this alone, and for not being there to hold you through the process.” His hand lifts, cupping my cheek, then he swipes his thumb along my skin. The rough texture is a contrast to my smoothness. Even though he predominately runs the club, he’d have no problem stepping in to help his staff. I think his time as a barback in college taught him a lot on-the-job training when it came to the manual labor and knowing how shit can get if there aren’t enough hands on deck. It seems like he still jumps in whenever necessary, and I imagine the club has gotten bigger and better. Johnny doesn’t do half-measures. He’s a go-big-or-go-home type of guy in every single aspect.

“Thank you. Apology accepted, and now you need to hear mine.” How could I ever hold him at fault with how things ended? We’re both to blame.

“Winnie,” Johnny tries to interrupt with his need to take the fault for ourbreak-up.

“Listen to me, please.” I place the palm of my hand over his mouth, shutting him up from talking any further. “I left you, and I shouldn’t have. I chose my sister over you. I could have reached out to help from anyone—your parents, our friends, my boss. They all would have helped without so much as blinking. Yet I chose to run, to cut ties, and maybe a bit of that was rooted in embarrassment and shame, but a lot of it was because Melanie threatened to terminate the pregnancy. And yes, it’s always a woman’s choice, but when we got to the hospital, she didn’t know her last menstrual cycle, so they did an ultrasound. Melanie was twenty weeks pregnancy. I heard his heartbeat, saw this cute little blob, and there was no turning back. You know me, you know how I grew up, being unwanted. I didn’t want thatfor a child, not if I could prevent it.” Johnny nods when I take a breather from spilling my guts.

“Alright, we’re both sorry. We both fucked up, me more than you, and that’s a motherfucking hill I will die on. Hush. Finish out the rest, get to the reason for coming home to divorce me, and then I’m going to tell you something that may make you want a divorce even fucking more.” My stomach drops. Johnny would never do anything to make me want to divorce him besides to protect Sebastian. Unless… I audibly gulp. Unless he moved on. I take a moment, my eyebrow furrowing. He wouldn’t be with me if he were with someone else. There is also a moment when I think that maybe he’s moved on and had a child with another. I spiral for a minute, thinking about how I’d accept his child with someone else seeing as how I’m raising my nephew. Then I get my shit together, reminding myself that this is Johnny Gonzales. He’s not that guy. His mom and dad would also stand in line to give him the smackdown, so to speak.

Yeah, so, now that I’m done losing my shit for a moment, I’ll finish my story. “Sebastian doesn’t have a father, well, not on paper. Melanie never told me who his father is. Whether she knew or not, we’ll never know. He’s not on the birth certificate, and when the hospital asked, she shook her head. That was the end. I didn’t bring it up because why start another never-ending argument? We went on our merry way until Melanie passed away, and I didn’t think about the fallout when news went around that she’s gone, and the system would knock on our door.” I take a deep breath, controlling myself before getting into the meat of the problem.

“Sebastian,” I start, but emotion clogs my throat. Johnny soothes me by running his hand down my outer arm. His other is still cupping my cheek, too. Through all of this, he’s kept his skin on mine in every way possible.

“Sebastian has some developmental delays.” The delayed potty training, his speech took longer to come to him than kids his age, and there’s been talk about his behavior, mostly because he’s not showing any signs of grief since Melanie has been gone. He isn’t a crier; he shows excitement, but any signs of sadness aren’t there. I think it’s more of his brain protecting itself after witnessing what he has as well as the drug use Melanie put him through while pregnant. “The only way I could get help was to go through the state. This was before Mel passed, but when the next appointment came and they asked where she was, Sebastian blurted out she was dead.” It’s hard not to let out a snort. Seb is oftentimes matter of fact.

“Jesús Cristo.” Johnny’s eyes close for a moment, trying to control his own chuckle.

“You can laugh. I do now, too, when I think about it. At the appointment, though, I was mortified, but what can you do? Anyways, getting back to the story at hand, I’m basically fostering him. Since we’re technically married, I can’t do anything without you there. I have two choices: divorce or prove that we’re fit to be parents.” My chest rises and falls. Johnny’s cock stirs beneath me, and if this weren’t such a pivotal moment in time, I’d slide up his abdomen and impale myself on his length. Instead, I wait Johnny out. He doesn’t say anything, more than likely mulling over everything I’ve dumped on him. The waiting kills me, but I get it. It’s a lot, we’re a lot, and Sebastian and I are a package deal.

“Gotta do something.” He knifes up, flipping me to my back, and doesn’t seem to have a care that he’s buck naked or that our combined dried cum is still on our skin. I watch as he moves to our piled clothes on the ground and rifles through them until he finds his jeans and pulls his phone out.

“Johnny,” I say his name, pulling his attention.

“Hold on a minute. I’ll explain everything in a second.” I give him his time, sitting up, tucking my legs beneath me, and situating the blanket to cover my nakedness, the complete opposite of what Johnny does.

12

JOHNNY

My eyes go from my phone to Winnie. I should say something, except until I’ve got this under control, I don’t want to get her hopes up. I pull up the text thread for our group chat.

Me: Figuratively speaking, how much of a pain in the ass would it be for you, Tysen, to fly Winnie, Sebastian, and Matthew to Georgia in, say, a day or two?

Me: Matthew, I know you’re not big on the family law bit, but gonna need you to pull out all the hat tricks. Winnie just told me fuckin’ everything.

Tysen: I’m off this week. Name the day. I’ll reserve a plane and get you there and back in the same day.

Asher: What else do you need? You want me to take the club on for a night or two?

Jagger: I’m on my way back. I’ll be in town in less than twelve hours. Whatever you need, I’m there. Also, tell your woman she owes me a hug.

I smirk at that, fuckin’ Jagger always trying to get a rise out of me. It doesn’t matter. He may as well be Winn’s older brother. It broke him when she up and left like she did. When I laid the truth out about what I’d done, I never saw him look more disappointed in anyone when his eyes locked on me.

Matthew: Give me the Cliff Notes. I can pull the rest out of the data base. I only need to know which direction. Also, you owe me. BIG.

Jude: I bet I can hack into the system faster than Matthew can look it up. Serious. Whatever you need. Fudging some court documents is nothing.

Matthew: JFC, in a text you say that shit. One word: Implication.

Me: We’re adopting Sebastian. Melanie is dead, died of an overdose. Right now, Winnie is essentially fostering to adopt. Contingent upon our divorce since I’ve not been around. Now she’s home, and we’re not divorcing. Seb and Winnie are mine. We also need to move them out of their apartment and into the penthouse as soon as possible.

Luke: Not sure what I can do to help, but I’m on deck. Tell Winnie when shit gets better, party at my place. I’ll even cater the damn thing.

Crew: Fuckin’ hell, that woman of yours has been through hell and back.

Asher: Lennie is saying Kenny and she can activate for shopping tomorrow.

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