Page 11 of Possessing Her

“We can argue about that another time. I’m pretty sure we both can take the blame. We could have handled the situation a lot differently. Except we didn’t, and now we’re left picking up the pieces.” I’m not sure that we’ll ever get back to us, especially with this lingering shit hanging over my head.

“I’m taking the blame. Nothing you can say about that. Keep going, por favor.” He softens the blow of his harsh tone by using the language I love hearing him speak.

“No, you’re not. Anyways, like I was saying, I left, went to Melanie. She was in the worst shape I’ve ever seen her, took uppers and downers, mixed alcohol then proceeded to shoot up. When I got there, she was slurring her words, eyes rolling backwards, and through it all begging for help. What I wasn’t prepared for was the positive pregnancy test she held in her hand. That became the game changer. I called an ambulance, and we went to the hospital. I followed her the whole way, white-knuckling the steering wheel. My sister was pregnant, and the only person I thought about was her unborn child. How horrible of me is that? I loved Melanie. She put me through hell, but her unborn child, that’s who deserved the most.” I take a deep breath, still remembering how she looked once they finally let me see her. The smell, the fluorescent lighting, the looks of pity and empathy from the hospital staff. It sucked so bad, and I didn’t have my rock to hold me together. I squared my shoulders and went to work, spoke with a case worker and set up a facility for her to detox in a way that wouldn’t cause any more damage to her unborn child.

“Afterward, when they released her, she went into an outpatient facility, because that’s the only kind that would take her with her being pregnant with Sebastian. Shit got worse, because we had to drive to Georgia to the only facility taking patients. I thought she’d get better, but between finding a job to support us and keeping her clean, it took an act of God.” So many times, I almost broke down to call Johnny and ask for help, to call Isla and see if she could talk sense into him, and it was even on the tip of my tongue to ask my own parents. Except I knew what the answer would be. I’d get upset, and then it’d be back to square one.

“Jesus, where is Melanie now?” Johnny asks the hardest question of my life.

“She’s gone.” I swallow the lump in my throat thinking about my sister and her life.

“Mother fuck, wish I could wrap you in my arms right now, Winn. You’ve been through it, and I hate to ask you this, but what do you mean by gone? Did she take off and leave you to raise Sebastian?”

“She died, Johnny. The struggle was too much. During her pregnancy, it was easier. I’d threaten her, and she’d straighten up. I thought after Sebastian was born, she’d see all she had to live for, but I was wrong. One morning she was alive, that same evening she was dead.” I close my eyes to the memory I would rather forget. Especially because after I picked Seb up from daycare last month, I had him in my arms, and we both saw her in a form that I wish I could have protected him from. I guess the silver lining is that at least he wasn’t there when she took her last breath.

“I can’t handle this anymore.” Johnny lets my hand go. I watch as he unfolds out of his seat and quietly opens his door, closing it just as silently. I knew this would be hard to hear; it is for anyone with an ounce of empathy. He walks to the hood of the car and brings both hands up to his head, running his fingers through his hair, taking a moment for himself, and then he’s rounding the hood of the vehicle to open my door.

“Johnny?” I hesitate when he opens the passenger door, holds his hand out for me to take, and practically pulls me out of the car in one fell swoop.

“Lo siento, mi amor, lo siento mucho.”I’m sorry, my love, I’m so sorry.He wraps his arms around me, holding me so tightly, breathing is hard, let alone responding.

“It’s not your fault, Johnny. I’m okay. Sebastian and I are okay, or we will be,” I manage to get out when he loosens his hold a little bit.

“You shouldn’t have had to go through it all alone to begin with, mi esposa,” he whispers across my forehead before pressing a kiss to the same spot. I hear the door open behind us. Johnny must, too, but he doesn’t move away. When I look over my shoulder, Seb is standing off to the side and is rubbing his eyes, trying to get the sleep to go away. When he passes out, whether it’s for a short nap or a long stretch over night, he sleeps hard.

“I want snuggles.” He holds his arms up. When Johnny moves away, I figure he’s giving me time for my nephew, except he does the complete opposite of what I expect. He lifts Seb up in his arms and brings him into the fold of our arms.

“How about we move this to a more comfortable place, yeah?” Johnny looks from me to Sebastian.

“Abuela’s?” The little boy melts more hearts on a daily basis than most human beings could in their entire lifetime.

“About that, you know your mom. She, well, she kept in touch. Not a lot, and she never knew where I lived until recently when I needed to talk to someone.” I wince hearing myself. She’s my mother-in-law, my husband’s mom, and technically, I have no right to have access to her in today’s standards.

“Can’t say I’m surprised by the turn of events. More than glad she gave you that,” Johnny says without a hint of annoyance.

“That’s not all. Your parents found out I was back in town and where I was staying. They kind of moved us in with them while we’re down here.”

“Abuela’s we go now!” Sebastian interrupts with his wants and demands.

“Yeah, we’re going. We’ll also need to do more talking later today. There’s a lot more you haven’t let on, and I’ve got a fewthings to tell you, too.” My stomach sinks like there’s lead weight inside me. My facial expression must tip him off. Stupid poker face I don’t have. “Nothing bad, but we’re doing this, and we’re doing it with a clean slate.” Johnny drops a quick kiss to my lips and, like there’s never been any time or distance between us, I arch my neck, lift to my toes, and he gives me another one. God, I’m asking so much with everything we left on the table, except I can’t get my head to meet up with my heart.

“Later, cariño,” he whispers into my ear after our last kiss lingered more than the first.

“Okay.” My tone is breathless, and I’m not sure if it’s from the heat or my husband.

“Keys? I’ll get the car started, let it cool down before putting him in his seat, and I’ll follow you to Abuela’s.” Seb lifts his arms up, fist pumping the air, and makes some kind of little boy noise.

“Right, let me grab them.” I’d usually bicker about being able to do it on my own, but I’m still in a Johnny-induced kiss coma, meaning I’ll gladly let him help, especially when it comes to being with him.

“Come on, Seb, we’ll take Auntie Winnie’s bag and get the car started.” I move to get the keys and bag. While I’m in the car, I’m also going to grab Johnny’s jacket and hoodie. They at least need to be shaken out to rid them of crumbs, and I’ll fold them to prevent them from being wrinkled further.

“Start car. I help you.” Seeing Johnny with my nephew has my ovaries working overtime, watching him with kindness and patience, it’s everything.

“Here you go.” I hand them my keys and bag before dipping back into the car and cleaning up.

“Winn, stop that. Shit can wait.” Johnny’s arm bands around my waist, pressing me to his body.

“Shit. Auntie sayshitall da time,” Sebastian rats me out. My shoulders quake at his analogy. I don’t use it all the time, but I do more than I should.

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