Page 135 of Sincerely, Your Enemy

I release a bitter scoff. “So, what? You’re stalking me now?”

“Not stalking. Leading a private investigation about your whereabouts.”

His attempt at lightening the mood fails yet again.

“What do you want, TJ?”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “You.”

I can feel my pulse wilding out in my neck.

No, I don’t care.

He doesn’t affect me anymore. Not after what he did.

Problem is, my heart obviously didn’t get the memo.

“Why? So you can humiliate me in front of all my friends when I find out you were faking it this whole time? Oh, wait, been there, done that.”

The food stand employee informs me that I’m next with a quick gesture, and I walk over to the checkout area, putting in my order without sparing TJ another glance.

He doesn’t go away, though, just waiting until I’m done. The employee hands me the terminal, and I complete payment, pretending like my chest isn’t pulsating with excruciating pain.

The employee tells me to go to the other side of the stand to retrieve my order once it’s ready and starts making our cotton candy. TJ shadows my every move as I turn the corner.

“I wasn’t faking it,” he says once we’re alone.

I scoff. “Sure you weren’t.”

He caves. “Okay, maybe Iwasfaking it, but only in the beginning. It was just the first few dates. Then I realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. I told Aaron our arrangement was done, but he wouldn’t stop seeing you. He started holding it over my head and threatening me all the time, and I… Look, I know you’re not going to believe me, but I meant every word I said to you the night I asked you to be my girlfriend. The moments we had… the way we felt… It was all real. Fuck, Lacey, I’m in love with you.I am.You have to know that deep down.”

I refuse to make eye contact with him. I’m afraid if I look into those eyes for too long, I’ll lose it. “No, actually, I don’t know that. Because I don’t know anything about you.”

“That’s not true,” he breathes.

“Yes, it is. For starters, I have no idea what I ever did to you. Why you hated me so much you had to come up with your sick little scheme to break my heart. Just like I don’t know anything about your mom. Why she’s always been such a secret. Or why I get the feeling that I struck a chord every time I bring her up. Let’s face it, I don’t know you, TJ. I don’t think I ever did.”

He’s stunned at first, but he snaps out of it when the employee hands me the three cotton candies I ordered, and I take off in the direction of the girls.

He catches up to me. “Look, I… It’s hard for me to open up to people. And it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you about my mom. It’s just… It’s complicated.”

He can’t seriously think that he can earn my forgiveness back without telling me why he even lost it in the first place. If that’s the best he’s got, then he’s in for a big disappointment.

“Yeah, okay. I’ve got to go back to the girls. Let me know if you ever learn how to have grown-up conversations.”

Then I leave him there.

I’m proud of myself. Proud that I didn’t crumble when all I wanted to do was cry until I had no energy left in me.

“Lacey,” I hear him call behind me, but I don’t stop, forging ahead and pretending like I’m okay, even though my heart is bruised and bloody.

He doesn’t want to tell me? Fine. Then he can go and put his secrets right next to the love we almost had.

Six feet underground.

TJ

I’ve donesome stupid things in my life.

---