Page 100 of Sincerely, Your Enemy

“Because we were kids! We were too young to understand heartbreak, but we’ve grown up since then. I hate that you feel the need to shield us from everything. You don’t need to be strong all the time.”

Tears begin to amass in my eyes, and, of course, my instinct is to try and bury my feelings before they’re set free, but I refuse to take the easy way out. These tears need to be shed, so I let them flow without restraint.

Everything I know about being a parent, I learned from my own parents. On one hand, my dad never shared his emotions, and on the other, my mom shared themtoo much.She treated me like her therapist. My mom dumped her trauma on me and made me feel like it was my responsibility to make her happy. I promised myself if I got to be a parent one day, I’d be nothing like her.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so careful not to let my siblings witness my pain. By wanting to be nothing like my mom and everything like my dad, I forgot that there needs to be a balance.

“I’m so sorry. I just wanted to be like him,” I croak.

I don’t know what else to say. Thankfully, that’s all she needed because she doesn’t answer, opening her arms for a hug.

“You’re not Dad. You’re you. And that’s okay. I miss my big sister. Can you bring her back?”

I nod. “I can do that.”

I welcome her embrace, finally liberating myself from a burden that’s been weighing on my chest for years, and allow my tears to stream down in an unrelenting cascade.

Only then, when I fall apart in my sister’s arms, do I understand that being strong isn’t about making people think you’re unbreakable.

It’s about knowing when to share your broken pieces with them.

Lacey

To say I’m exhausted by the time spring break rolls around would be an epic understatement.

And it’s not like being drained of energy is an unknown concept to me.

Being tired is practically my default mode, but midterms were particularly demanding this semester. By some miracle, I made it through the week, and now all I want to do is sleep until I feel like a human being again.

Normally, I’d do just that. I’d pass out and not say a word to anyone for at least two business days, but today was the last exam before spring break, and the girls have been blowing up my phone asking if I’m going to Theo’s spring break party tonight.

Dia

We’ve barely seen each other lately. I miss you!

She’s not wrong about that.

Dia dropped out of school after her accident last year, making it impossible to get together on campus. And Aveena’s way too busy trying to survive her difficult pregnancy to hang out after class. She’s been preserving her energy as much as possible but ultimately decided that she missed us too much to stay home tonight.

Aveena

Girl, if I’m going, you’re going.

Aveena

TJ will be there ;)

My friends using his presence to try and lure me out of my house just goes to show how far gone I am. I could deny it until my voice gave out, but I have it bad. I’m hooked on him now.

Not a day has gone by since the morning we made pancakes where we haven’t texted multiple times. We were both slammed with work, exams, and, in his case, basketball tournaments, but it didn’t stop us from checking in with each other every hour on the dot.

He asked me if I was going to the party this morning, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him no. I said I’d think about it.

What the hell? I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

I text back the girls that I’ll be there and then ask my neighbor if she’s free to watch the kids tonight.

If Sierra thought there would be no consequences after she nearly got herself kidnapped, she was sorely mistaken. I’m monitoring her phone and everything she does now. Not to mention, I had a foolproof lock installed on her window so she can forget about sneaking out when I have my back turned.

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