Page 63 of Pet Project

“I just want to drop this off…”

Oh.

He wrote me a letter. “I didn’t realize monsters could write.”

Don’s chuckle makes me realize I said that last part out loud. In the end, I decided to wait for Toby to gethome and for us to close the shop and go upstairs where I can fall apart safely in the arms of the men I love.

While Toby is understandably upset to have not been there when the source of all of my nightmares showed up, the look I share with Don assures me that he agrees with me that it was a good thing our pup was preoccupied when Michael showed up. I’m still debating calling the cops for him violating the restraining order, but I’ve decided to read the letter before I make any type of decision on sending his ass back to prison.

“Time to rip off the bandage, Kitten.” Don hands me the letter after we finish dinner.

I don’t want to read it, but I feel like I owe it to that seven year old boy to find out why the fuck he had to grow up and suffer like he did. Ripping open the envelope, I feel Toby’s arms snake around my legs from his seat on the floor. Don lays his arm across my shoulders and reads along with me.

Dear Shiloh,

I’m not good at a lot of things, especially making amends. They say it’s an important step in rehabilitating me for society. Going into this program, I only looked at it as a way to reduce my sentence and get out to make you suffer for turning me in.

I’m not going to lie to you. I hated you when you put me in prison. Yeah, I knew that day thatyou went to the cops. I offered you to Bill because he was the one who gave me the heads up.

You weren’t supposed to choose the cross, little brother. You were supposed to disappear with Bill and the cops would lose their case.

In a way, you earned my respect that day, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I swore after escaping my father’s clutches, I would never be afraid of another man. But I was afraid of you from the second I met you. You had everything I once had. You had the loving mother and my dad adored you. I knew how it twisted me when shit hit the fan and I kept waiting for it to happen to you.

I took custody of you to be able to use you. I was just waiting for you to be just as fucked up as I was so that I could use you as an enforcer or to infiltrate some rival drug dealers turf. But you stayed so fucking pure. The more you kept out of my business, the worse I had to treat you to justify it in my fucked up mind that I still had worth.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that I was a self centered asshole and you NEVER did anything wrong to deserve what I did to you. If I could go back, I would leave you with the social workers.

I can’t change the past, but please don’t ever think you deserved what I put you through, whatthat drunk put you through. Your mom was a nice lady. I’m sorry she ever met my dad. I’m sorry she died.

If you’re still reading at this point. I gotta say I always knew you would be a better man than me. I’m leaving town as soon as my parole officer can clear me for a transfer. I need to be away from this city. I need the fresh start and you don’t need to be looking over your shoulder for me. You’ll never see me again.

This is the only gift I’ve ever given you, and I’m sorry it is about fifteen years too late.

-Michael

PS ~ If there is ever anything I can do for you, I’m at your disposal. My parole officer will know how to get in contact with me.

I don’t expect you’ll ever want to even think about me again, but I would spend the rest of my life as a worm under your feet if it meant I could take back even the smallest fraction of the pain I inflicted on you in my misguided transference of my own.

Setting the letter on the coffee table, I can’t help but shed a few tears for the relationship that never had a chance to develop between my stepbrother and I. There isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that I will ever forgivewhat he did.

He was right. He is shit at making amends. But there is a sincerity in his written words that I never once heard from him in the decade he kept me with him.

“Are you alright?”

I look down into Toby’s face and give him a soft smile.

“I think I am. I’m with the two men I love most and my nightmare is leaving town for good. I think for the first time in a very long time I am looking forward.”

Don gently turns my face to him and asks, “Looking forward to what, Kitten?”

“Everything, Owner. I’m looking forward to everything.”

EPILOGUE

TOBY

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