Page 49 of Pet Project

Shiloh slides off the couch to join Toby on the floor and pulls him into his side. I can see the pain they are trying to hide from each other. It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that these two love each other deeply and are willing to do just about anything to make sure that they aren’t a burden to the other. They need someone to step in and show them that it’s alright to feel what they feel and rely on each other.

“We’re going to come back to this later, Pup,” I say as I clear the last of the food from my throat. “I want the story on this conversion camp thing at some point, butfirst I think we need to cover what happened this morning.”

Toby starts shaking his head animatedly. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that the pup has been keeping the severity of the nightmares a secret from his best friend.

“What happened this morning?”

“I got locked out without a coat,” Toby rushes to say and shoots me a glare. He doesn’t want Shiloh to know about the night terror.

“You had a night terror, Shiloh,” I say over Toby’s rambling explanation about going out shopping, effectively cutting him off. “It was kind of intense. To be honest, if it wasn’t for the fact that the buildings around here are all commercial buildings and closed at this hour, we probably would have had the cops called from your screaming."

Shiloh looks ashen. His head whips to Toby who is suddenly extremely interested in the crumbs left on his plate.

“How long have I been having the night terrors, Tobe?”

Toby shrugs and picks up his juice.

“How long?” Shiloh demands, making us both flinch. I haven’t heard this tone from him in the time we’ve been cohabiting.

“You were getting better,” Toby gets onto his knees facing his best friend. “You were so excited the first night you didn’t wake up from a nightmare that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. You thought you stopped havingthem, but I just learned to calm you so you wouldn’t wake up.

“I hated seeing you hurting after having them. I wanted you to be able to forget whatever hell that asshole put you through. Even though I knew you still went there in your sleep, I hoped I could let you have peace while you’re awake.”

The look of betrayal on Shiloh’s face breaks my heart.

“I thought I was better!” he yells. “I became dependent on you because I thought you kept the damn memories away! You fucking used me!”

I can’t stand to see these two men at odds with one another, so I open my mouth and bring both of their attention to me.

“What asshole?”

59

SHILOH

Toby never kept the nightmares away. He just let me think they were going away. He lied to me…for over a year. I fucking cut back on my therapy because of it!

“What asshole?” Don asks and I whip my gaze to him. I forgot he was here. I forgot the man who has taken care of me for the last month because my entire world just shattered at the realization that my best friend lied to me.

“How much do you know about how I came to end up at Kink Manor?” I ask him and he tells me Matt told him a little bit.

I nod in acknowledgment and steady my breathing. Not even Toby knows the full extent. He saw the way I was still limping when he moved in months after me. He knows my story is not a happy one, but he only knows what my nightmares revolve around. I’ve only ever given enough to explain away my reactions to things based on who I was when the guys found me three years ago. Thiswill be the first time I’m telling anyone my story in its entirety, including the parts not even my therapist knows.

“My father died when I was three.” The words pour out and I struggle to keep going. It’s time to trust these men with my whole heart.

“Mama’s parents helped us a little bit after that, but they both passed when I was four or five. I don’t remember struggling financially, but we must have because two weeks before my sixth birthday, Mama surprised me by telling me she found me a new Daddy. That was the day she brought Frank to our home.”

“He’s a good man, Shy. You’ll see. A boy needs a father.”

My mother’s words swirl around in my head. She said it enough times that I couldn’t forget if I tried. I reach for my now tepid coffee and choke down a mouthful to wet my suddenly dry mouth. Why the fuck is this so hard?

“At first it was great having a dad. I mean, I was teased mercilessly at school for being raised by a single mother.”

It feels weird when the smile starts to form on my face. The memories aren’tallbad, but it’s been a long ass time since I’ve let myself remember the good times.

“Frank would play catch with me. He took me to Pirate games in the summer and to my one and only Pens game that fall. He even took me to the Carnegie Science Center when they had the traveling dinosaur exhibit.

“But it all changed when we were at the mall and he ran into one of his high school buddies. I overheard them ask him who my real daddy was because let’s face it, no one would ever assume my father is an almost seven foot tall Nordic giant. I didn’t realize it then because I was just a kid, but that was enough to twist it in his mind that Mama and I humiliated him.”

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