Page 39 of Pet Project

“I sometimes do, too.” His voice was pitched lowenough that it didn’t carry to any of the others, and I looked at him. Ireallylooked at him, probably for the first time. I finally saw that he truly doesn’t blame me in any way. At the same time, he and I will always be marked and scarred by that night. He just got better at hiding the darkness. I just became a hermit.

The door closing behind me shakes me out of the memories from earlier. I look back at the entryway to see Toby toe-ing off his shoes and setting them next to Shiloh’s. I noticed that habit of his immediately when he moved in, but I figured it was just something Shiloh was raised with, but now I’m not sure.

“You don’t have to take your shoes off if you don’t want to,” I tell him as I head to the kitchen for a can of pop. “I usually don’t bother unless I’m in for the night.”

It would be a pain for me to have to constantly put them on and take them off during the days when I’m running up and down those stairs because I need something out of Walt’s records for the shop.

Cracking open a Sprite, I lean back against the counter and watch Toby explore the space for a little bit. I’m guessing Shiloh went to his room for something – or to calm down. I’ve never seen him like that since he moved in, and judging by the looks on everyone else’s faces, it’s not common for him to get visibly angry.

The bit of happy that Toby managed to pull out of me vanishes as I remember the pain and anger on Shiloh’s face when we were leaving the club. He wasn’t supposed to hear me say that. No one was supposed to.

He watched his mama die.Matt’s warning about the boy swims up in my mind.

“Scott is a bit OCD, so no shoes go past the entryway unless they’ve been thoroughly disinfected.”

Toby’s voice pulls me back again and I take another swig of my pop to try and remember what we were talking about. Shoes! That’s it. I try to pull back from my worry about Shiloh to focus on the pup in front of me.

“I don’t think I’ve met Scott yet. Is he a student like yinz?”

Toby giggles and flops down on the giant bean bag chair I put in the corner of the dining room for Shiloh’s sun-napping. The thing instantly swallows him up. While he’s struggling to escape from the thing, he answers my question.

“Scott is thirty-four, maybe thirty-five. I’m not sure the exact year, but he’s almost old enough to be a father to me,” he says with a smile. “Actually, where I grew up, that would be a definite possibility. The fact that all of my friends in high school graduated without popping out babies was kind of a miracle. Although, Aliciawassix months pregnant when we walked for our diplomas.”

Before I can get more amusing information out of the talkative pup, Shiloh emerges from his room in his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that I recognize. He must have grabbed it from one of the boxes I tried to throw out. It’s my old Tibalt University Hockey Program workout shirt. How the fuck did that thing survive the initial purgefive years ago?

Toby jumps up and races to his best friend for a hug, but my entire body seizes up in fear and shame. There’s no way this is a coincidence, right?

I lift my eyes to meet Shiloh’s gaze over the top of Toby’s blond head.

He knows.

47

SHILOH

I know it’s here somewhere. I haven’t let him throw out any boxes. It has to be here…

There it is!

I dig out the box of hockey stuff that is mostly just workout clothes and pull out the TU shirt. I know the history of the hockey team at Tibalt University. I mean, I lived in the same house with Eric for the last three years. I’ve witnessed the meltdowns, the self-hatred, the nightmares – all of it.

I figured it out the first time Eric went off his meds after I moved in. In my experience, people who were too friendly, too sweet, or too polite were the ones who would hurt me the most. People only showed their true colors when they knew you weren’t going to squeal, when they had you trapped. I was hiding in the basement to get away from everyone when I heard Eli and Spencer fighting about it in the kitchen.

Everyone was talking about that night back when ithappened. A couple of the guys from my school were set to go to TU for sports scholarships, but had to scramble to find other schools who would take them and offer similar deals at the last minute. Alotof people were pissed off about the hockey program getting shut down. Most of those people blamed the wrong side for it, but you can’t argue with stupid, not if you want to keep all the blood inside of your body in my experience.

When I put it together that the victim was one of my new roommates, that was when I started to trust the guys at Kink Manor. Then, when Toby showed up about a month later, I realized that some people are just genuinely good and nice and kind. He changed my view of the world so much without even knowing it.

But I never put it together about Donnie being a part of Eric’s past until tonight. I knew they were friends through Matt, what with him being a professor with a caffeine addiction and all, but I never realized the connection with my favorite drag queen.

On the ride home, I was furious. After Mama… The only way I want to find out about anyone I know dying is from old age at this point. When I heard those words from Donnie, I wanted to lock him in a room where he couldn’t follow through with it. I wanted to go back in time to destroy whoever put that in his head.

I can admit. I flew off the handle. I don’t do it often. Mama always reminded me that I can’t show my temper, not like the other kids. As I got older, I realized why. When confronted by anyone in authority, my skin color will never work in my favor... at least not in mostsituations. When I got hit, kicked, cut, and literally thrown down a flight of stairs in school, I got in trouble for saying a cuss word in the nurse’s office.

Shaking my head to clear the unwelcome thoughts, I pull on the TU shirt, knowing it’s time to push Donnie to open up to us. I’m not ready to lose either one of them, and it’s about damn time the world gives me something good.

Coming out of my room, I barely make it two steps before my arms are filled with Toby. It’s been a while since he’s hugged me so tight, pressing his ear against my chest to listen to my heartbeat. I smile down at him, but he’s not paying any attention.

Well in that case.

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