Page 46 of Drag Me Up

“We are aware of the change of your name, young man,” another member of the board says with a bite in his tone. Fuck. Did I piss them off already? “We are also aware that the attorney for this gentleman here has already been held in contempt for violating your privacy and releasing your name to the press, so we will not speak it for the record, just in case.”

Nodding my agreement, I sit down and get sworn inby the guard who let me in to the room. I wasn’t expecting this to be like a mini trial, and my memories of the other times I’ve been on the stand flash through my mind. My pulse starts to race, and my leg bounces erratically in an attempt to release the sudden rush of adrenaline.

“Are you alright, Mr. Mendleton?”

I look up at the table full of old dudes and struggle to hold back the scathing remark that wants to come out. Swallowing it down takes more effort than I expected, but I close my eyes to picture Mattie.

Mattie loves me. Mattie is waiting for me. No matter what happens today, I won’t lose him.

“Super Mattie will always rescue his Sparkles.”

I chuckle at the memory of the words Matt whispered in my ear before I went into the waiting room. Opening my eyes, I meet the confused gaze of my monster. At that moment, I realize something. Even if this asshole walks free today, he is a convicted sex offender. He ruined his life when he did what he did to me.

Turning my head to the board, I give them a small smile before answering them.

“Just a small panic attack, gentlemen. I get them from time to time when I experience something that reminds me of the events of that night. For example, I cannot be around root beer or anything that smells likeit. Which is a true pity because before that night, I loved old fashioned soda shops and root beer floats. Now, I can’t even be around birch trees without hyperventilating.”

“Do these attacks happen often? Are they debilitating?”

I spend the next twenty minutes or so answering questions about my various triggers and how the event five years ago has affected not only my quality of life, but my personal relationships as well.

“We’ve received statements from more than a few individuals that you have had no issues with sexual relationships over the last five years which is part of the reason this gentleman’s attorney was successful in getting this hearing. He argued that his client’s actions were exaggerated for dramatic effect, as you are on record as being a very flamboyant individual, being employed as a performer in a cabaret type club.”

What the fuck? Deep breaths…

Digging my nails into my thighs, I work to calm my breathing before answering. I still can’t stop clenching my teeth, but they’ll have to deal with that.

“My job has nothing to do with how many dicks have gone up my ass… Shit… Sorry. Please don’t hold me in contempt or anything, but I hate being slut shamed. I’m a hypersexual demiromantic and there is absolutely nothing wrong with consensual adults coming together to have some fun as long as it’s not deceitful.

“It’s true that I have had about twenty times aplethora of sexual partners since that night. For years, I used sex as a way to punish myself and attempt to rewrite that night in my memory. I was disowned by my family and kicked out, penniless, because I refused to drop the charges against Mr. Dennison and his teammates. I stood up for myself and was constantly shunned and mocked by the very police and attorneys who were supposed to help me.

“For months, I had constant pressure to turn away and pretend it never happened. But I refused to allow monsters like them to get the opportunity to hurt someone else the way they hurt me. In the end, I was raped by the justice system in a way that destroyed me worse than what Mr. Dennison and his teammates did to me.

“He destroyed my body. He gave me nightmares and panic attacks. But my experience with the police made me fear the people who are supposed to mean safety. They made me feel like it is me against the world and that the world doesn’t want me in it.”

The members of the board are looking at me like I’m speaking another language, but I push on while they are letting me.

“Sex was my way of taking control of those fears and feelings. What Mr. Dennison and his friends did was outside of my power. After that night, I never had sex that wasn’t on my terms. I was ALWAYS in control of every single facet of the interactions, including negotiating restraints if I felt I wouldn’t be able to physically overpower my partner if I felt even the slightest bit thathe could take control. Sex was my outlet when the rest of my life would spin out of control. So, yes, I had a shitload… Sorry, buttload of sex over the last few years to stop myself from following through on the thoughts that the world would be better off without me in it.”

38

MATT

Waiting for Eric to come of the room after testifying is probably the most stressful hour of my life. Spencer and Donnie were both in and out in under twenty minutes. The mousey victim’s advocate guy told me each witness testimony is unique when he showed me to this hallway to wait for everyone to be done. But this is ridiculous…

“Barnes?”

Glancing up, I see a man I hoped to never have to encounter again in my life. Rising to my feet slowly, I make sure Andrew Streaker knows exactly what I think of him. Spencer and Donnie stand with me. I feel one of them put a hand on my shoulder, but I don’t need the reminder that this isn’t the place to start something. I need to be here when Eric is done, not in lockup somewhere.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Streaker?”

He looks genuinely surprised by my anger and takesa step back. Glancing at the men on either side of me, he sneers at Donnie.

“Fucking snitch, aren’t you Hastings?” he snarls and takes a step forward. “How’s your luck at finding a bank to give you a loan with that criminal record?”

“I’d rather have my petty record for turning on a bunch of rapists than be rich and let filth like them wander free to hurt others,” Don growls out and steps into Streaker’s personal space.

Spencer hurriedly pulls us both back as the guards take notice of the aggression and start watching us more closely.

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