Page 4 of Drag Me Up

Fuck!

The DJ just put on one of the songs that was playing that night. I guess I need to add another trigger to the list. So far, the weirdest ones are root beer, middle seats,and that gods-damned hockey funk. I have about a dozen songs on the list at this point. I don’t know if they were playing duringitor if it was just at the party in general, but they bring the memories forward, especially this time of year.

I need a drink. I need to fucking forget.

At the bar, I get the attention of Sandy, one of my favorite bartenders here. Judging by the skirt, I am pretty sure they are repping the feminine tonight, but until I confirm I won’t misgender them, not even in my head.

“Your usual, hun?” Sandy asks as they turn for the nozzle to pour me a Sprite with lime, but I shake my head and reach for their hand to stop them. I want, no NEED, alcohol tonight.

“Vodka tonic tonight, sweetheart,” I say before they can ask. “And I love the skirt. Going with she-her tonight or staying androgynous?”

Changing the subject is something I’ve gotten to be a bit of an expert with. People can get all up in your business and try to play the game of pretending to care if you say too much about yourself. Sandy just giggles and nods while she prepares my drink. She knows I don’t usually drink, but she won’t judge me for it. I think she just assumes I’m always driving.

Taking the first sip, I relish the smooth burn of the alcohol. It’s been almost a year since I’ve had any, andthatwas under the watchful eyes of my housemates. It was Shiloh’s twenty first birthday and we all celebrated with the timid little kitten in our basement oasis. Eli cut me off after two shots, which was fine becausemy meds can react in funny ways with alcohol. That is why I got the hotel room and walked over to the club. I’m not risking driving tonight. I might not give a shit what happens to me most days, but I refuse to be the reason someone else gets hurt or worse.

Speaking of Eli, the devil just walked in the fucking door with Jace and my college roommate Steve. He and Jen live in the trailer park across the street from our house. It’s bad enough he is the de facto mechanic for all of our cars. Why do I have to see him today of all days?

Jace sees me and sends me a smile from across the room. It would be hard not to see the giant teddy bear since he towers over pretty much everyone in every room he enters. I send him a genuine smile and tiny wave in response, hoping he understands that I don’t mean anything by it when I avoid them all night. He may be a large man, but he is the gentlest soul I have ever met. I will shank a ho if he is ever hurt in any way.

“Hey sexy,” a nasally voice comes from behind me. Turning around, I see a passably attractive man. I let my eyes take in his appearance. He isn’t drop dead or anything, but I can work with it. Six foot-ish with a football player’s build is decent enough. The ish is because I can tell his shoes have lifts.Thatis rather disappointing actually.

I stand there and let my eyes take in more of Mr. Wannabe’s appearance while he drones on about what he wants to do to me. Way too much hair product with a receding hairline. Shirt looks like it’s not only two sizes too small but holds some questionable stains that flashas the blacklight swings over us. What was once chiseled abs looks like the start of a beer gut as he relaxes his posture now that he thinks he has me.

The man is a has-been and is trying to still play up what he used to be. He screams closeted and married, and that is one line I refuse to cross. I saw enough of my father’s mistresses flouncing through the house growing up that I would never do that to another person. At least my father had the decency to divorce his first wife and marry the one he knocked up. If you ask me, Michelle was the lucky one in that whole scenario.

“Thought you worked until eleven tonight?” Eli interrupts, forcing Mister Has-Been to take a step back. Judging by the look on his face, the guy has jumped to the conclusion that Eli is my boyfriend and that we are about to get into a fight. The fucking sadist doesn’t even try to clear things up and just waves the guy away.

Fucking perfect. Not only do I not get my distraction, now I have to deal with a babysitter all night. Rounding on Eli, I explode.

“Do you even know what the fuck you’ve done?” I yell at him, making him recoil. “The show is on hiatus for a month. I came here to get fuckinglaidsince that is the only other fucking thing I have to look forward to without the club. Unless you’re going to stuff me like the high speed train in Tokyo, get the fuck lost, Eli.”

“Dude, first of all, you are like a brother to me, so um, no. Second, I can smell the liquor on your breath. You aren’t supposed to drink on your medication. You promised to have one of us with you if you felt the needto. I’m not leaving your side if you intend to drink tonight. How would I explain that to Lucky?”

Pushing Eli away, I wave Sandy over so I can close out my tab. It’s a low blow bringing the little into this, and he knows it. I can’t do this with him here tonight. I’m going to have to find another bar, another club, another life. I need my nameless, faceless dick for the night and that won’t be happening with him hovering.

“Fuck you!” I spit at him after dropping bills on the bar top for Sandy. “You are not my father. You are not my keeper. I scraped myself back together over the last five years through sheer force of will only to have it thrown back in my face over the last five months. Every time I think I might be moving past it again, someone shoves it back in my face.”

Pushing Eli back, I don’t even know what I’m saying as I continue to create a scene.

“I left Mr. Drag because I didn’t want to see the damn pity on my roommates’ faces. I’m not going to deal with it here either. I think I’m entitled to a fucking drink when I find out I lost the only peace I can manage in order to forget for a few fucking hours a week.”

I see the others starting to make their way over, and the look of pity on Steve’s face is the final nail in the coffin. When Eli reaches for me, I slap his hand away and run for the doors. I almost achieved it. I almost reached oblivion before that damned Sadist interfered.

4

MATT

As Jax crosses the Hot Metal Bridge to take us to the South Side, I flash back to my early twenties, to the summer nights I wish never happened when I came back home after graduating with my bachelor’s degree. I spent more time than usual at the bars and clubs around the city, often doing stupid shit like driving drunk or falling asleep hugging a toilet somewhere. Since I couldn’t stay with her on the Mendleton’s property, Mom never knew where I stayed most nights. She never knew about the deal I made with her boss in exchange for their “generosity”.

“Hey, Prof,” Jax’s voice cuts into my thoughts, making me jump a bit. “We’re here. I’m splurging for valet to avoid an accidental drunk by pissing.”

Laughing, I climb out of the car and realize we’re in front of a building that in no way shape or form screams club, let alone a LGBTQ club. The drab exterior looks likethe bank where Mr. Banks worked in Mary Poppins. At my raised eyebrow, Jax just chuckles and pulls me to the door. The bouncer doesn’t even ask to see our identification and waves us inside to pay the cover fee.

Fuck, I feel old.

The sound of the music pounds into my brain, and I can already feel a headache forming. It has been years since I have gone out to any sort of club. Most of the time, I prefer either a chill neighborhood bar or some sort of a show. Syl and I regularly enjoyed a dinner cabaret show in Salem, but I haven’t even looked for one of those here. Maybe the breakup is hitting me harder than I thought?

“This is my old high school buddy, Matt,” Jax is telling the shorter guy in front of us. I would put him around five eight or nine if I had to guess. He is about the same height as Sylvia. Damn, I have to get her out of my head tonight.

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