Page 17 of Drag Me Up

What the fuck did I just do?

My go to name for hookups is not King. Why couldn’t I just give him my father’s name, like all of the others? Yeah, I get a bit of a kick out of my homophobic father’s name being screamed by guys railing my ass. It makes up for the empty feeling I’m always left with.

Except, I’m not feeling empty this morning.

I woke up at my usual escape the fuck-toy time so that I can beat the sun and most of Kink Manor for my walk of shame, but for the first time ever I don’t want to just run off.

What Lewis and I did last night wasn’t a frenzied one night only fuck-fest to drown out the bad shit. I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t frenzied. Nor do I want it to be a one night stand.

Wait…what?

I never want a repeat. Sex on repeat just means they’ll expect a relationship. I don’t do romance.

But I want to with Lewis…

Slipping out of the bed, I hurry to the couch to get dressed. I can’t do this. I can’t be like this after only knowing this guy for a few hours and onefucking phenomenalnight of sex. No… making love.

Shoving my fist in my mouth to hold back the sob that wants to escape, I realize what my problem is. I can’t risk hurting him like I hurt everyone else. I have to push him away before he abandons me, or worse, feels obligated to me.

Swallowing the bile that rises in my throat, I grab my fuck-bag from the closet and run from the suite. The elevator ride down to the lobby gives me enough time to gather myself and realize that Lewis at least deserves an explanation. Exiting the elevator, I walk to the front desk and grab a notepad and pen to have a note delivered to him.

“Good Morning, Mr. Pierce,” the daytime concierge greets me as usual. “We will have an attendant escort your guest out of the room once you leave as requested. Is there anything else I can do for you this morning or in preparation of your next visit?”

I look up from my note to stare at the man in front of me. Am I really that much of an ass that I’ve had the guys I’ve been with woken up and kicked out at the ass crack of dawn? Judging by the bored look on the concierge’s face, I am.

“Uh, let this one sleep,” I tell him, feeling ashamed at the shock he shows. I hand him the note. “And give him this when he comes down. His name is Lewis.”

“We will just slide it under the door, Sir. Not everyone leaves through the lobby.”

The man behind the desk is looking at me like I grew a second head, so I hurry out to where the valet has my car waiting for me. Pulling a few bills out of my wallet, I place them in his hand and dive into my car. Based on the fact that he doesn’t move as I pull away, I think I might have really over-tipped this time.

Oh well, it’s not like I can’t afford it. I just won’t order takeout this week.

When I pull up at a stoplight, I power on my phone and almost regret it immediately. Text notifications start chiming through the sound system to the point that I can’t even enjoy the music softly playing on my system.

Softly?

I glance at the screen and turn the dial to see what number my speakers are on. Twelve?! That’s the level I put it when I know someone else is going to be driving so I don’t blow out their ear drums. I never have it lower than twenty if it’s just me. Somehow, I’m almost home and didn’t even notice.

The intrusive thoughts didn’t need drowning out.

Not ready to face everyone at the house, I pull in at the Devil, hiding my car in the mix of vehicles from people still playing inside. I know they’ve stopped letting people in at this point, but they won’t be kicking anyone out for at least a half an hour. The workers are done at seven, so they usually give everyone else the boot around six or so.

I chuckle as Seth pokes his head out of the front doorto see who pulled in. I wave his attention away and shake my head when he hikes his thumb behind him, asking if I want to come in. Usually when I show up alone, they will accommodate me no matter the time. I’ve never before wondered why I get preferential treatment, but I think it’s Clarence’s way of being nice without being obvious.

Pulling up the text messaging app on my phone, I sigh at the various messages from my friends and roommates and wonder just how bad I’ve been that they have to follow up with me like this. I need to stop making them worry. Maybe it’s time to finally leave Pittsburgh behind and just go where nobody knows me?

Lucky:

Daddy says you have a baby bi to take care of.

Does this mean I am going to be a big brother now?

I bark out a laugh at the absurdity of my favorite adorable little. I’m really glad that is the first message I decided to open because the others aren’t quite as much fun.

Sad-die:

I know you think you know best but I will have Steve disable your vehicles if you run out on me again

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