Page 6 of Soaring and Steadfast

But gosh, it felt impossible. Like standing at the base of Mount Rushmore, naked and barefoot, expected to scale the impossible.

Baby steps, Lila…

Get free. Get sober. Get a morning-after pill before she ruined another life along with her own.

And then?—

Then, she needed to get help.

Because if she didn’t, this black hole of destruction was going to swallow her whole.

“Leave me alone,” she uttered under the shower, ignoring the knock at the bathroom door as she pressed her hands over her ears, rocking back and forth, weeping silently.

God, if you are listening, I need help… please.

Two months later, Lila had started to believe—naively, perhaps—that she was finally crawling out of the wreckage of herself. She wasn’t whole, not by any means, but at least she was trying.At least she was keeping her head above water, finding ways to quiet the ache that clawed at her ribs every night when she was alone. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

Until now.

It was a special kind of agony to realize that the person sitting next to you, someone you called a friend, was slowly unraveling the fragile stitches holding you together. Natalie was not a lifeline; she was an anchor, one that would drag Lila down if she let her. Nashville had made that abundantly clear. But what could she say? She had already lost so much—her city, her marriage, Kyle. She couldn’t afford to lose another friend.

“So, are you coming with us to Chicago?” Lila asked, forcing lightness into her voice, though desperation clung to the edges of it like a fraying thread. If Stephanie came, at least Lila wouldn’t be alone with Natalie. At least she would have a reason to stay sober, to not spiral.

“Or bailing on us again? You missed out on so much fun last weekend,” Natalie tossed out there almost as a dare. That’s how she got Lila to say ‘yes’ – wasn’t it?

Stephanie hesitated, then smiled softly, resting a hand on her stomach. Lila’s gut twisted, a sharp, visceral pang of longing and loss that nearly stole her breath. She knew what that felt like—what it was to feel a life growing inside you, to be irrevocably changed by it. And now? Now, she had nothing but empty arms and a hollow chest where dreams used to live.

“Well, with the baby coming and so much to plan or do, I’ve decided to slow down everything. What I mean by that is I want to put my child and myself first – and going to Chicago doesn’t benefit or help the baby, you know?”

“No, I don’t know.” The bitterness in Lila’s voice startled even herself, but she couldn’t stop it. She needed Stephanie to come. She needed to believe she wasn’t completely alone in this.But Stephanie wasn’t her lifeline either, was she? Nobody was. And that realization burned.

“You could shop for baby clothes.”

“Don’t be evasive,” Natalie interjected, eyes narrowing. “What’s going on that you feel like you need to slow down?”

Stephanie inhaled deeply, glancing between them before she spoke. “I’m considering moving, so I might need to pack.”

The words slammed into Lila’s chest like a freight train.

“What?!” Both she and Natalie exclaimed in shock.

“This weekend was actually strangely beautiful in so many weird ways. Lance flew in, and we just spent so much time talking, being with each other, and…” Stephanie trailed off, searching for words. “I think I want to grab that sort of happiness and hang onto it. He wants to be involved with the baby – and I want him to be, too.”

“He can pay child support,” Lila snapped, her voice raw, sharp. This was it. This was the moment she shattered, the weight of everything pressing in on her with crushing force. If Stephanie left, she would have no one.

“Lila!”

“What? I’m sorry. I’m bitter because none of this is your fault or fair. I mean, you had a good time – it’s his fault for not wearing protection,” she hissed, barely recognizing the sound of her own voice, tight with anger and hurt. “You are doing him a favor by having the baby, and it shouldn’t turn your whole life around for him. What kind of sick, macho, pigheaded man?—”

“Whoa,” Stephanie cut in, reeling back as if Lila had physically struck her. “Lila, hang on a minute. While Lance mentioned it, he isn’t pushing me into anything. In fact, I haven’t even told him that I was actually going to move. We’re discussing things together and planning for our future, our baby’s future.”

Lila trembled, her breath coming in shallow bursts as she tried to hold herself together. But she was unraveling. She felt it, the seams of her composure splitting apart. Tears burned the back of her throat, thick and choking.

“I love you both so much, and you’ve always been there for me, but how can I tell the father of my child that he’s not welcome to be a part of the baby’s life… when I want him to be there?” Stephanie said softly, looking at her almost like she wanted her to understand.

“We can help you,” Natalie offered, oblivious to the storm raging inside Lila. But there was no ‘we.’

“I can’t.” Lila managed the words scraped out of her, broken and raw. Both of them turned to her in shock. “It’s too much, too hard on me, and…” Her voice collapsed under the weight of everything as the waiter arrived, his presence an unwelcome intrusion into her unraveling world. Stephanie’s hand closed over hers, grounding her, keeping her from splintering completely.

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