Page 2 of Soaring and Steadfast

“I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna run into a miracle anytime soon.”

“Why not?”

“Miracles are bestowed upon the penitent, the deserving…”

“Aren’t you deserving, child?”

“No,” Louis whispered softly, closing his eyes within the confines of the confessional as he felt something curl painfullywithin him. “I try. I wish that I was sometimes, but I’m flawed, just like any other man. I’m never going to be touched by a miracle, an angel, heck – at this rate, I’ll be lucky to pass through the pearly gates.”

“God loves all his children, remember?”

“I’m not sure if he loves me…”

“Are you so unworthy, my son?”

“Maybe?”

“Why?”

“I could be better, try harder, be a more dedicated pastor, and spread the word to my friends, but they would rather discuss girls, booze, and going out to party… so I join them.”

“Ahhh, to be so young.”

“And foolish. Don’t forget foolish, which is why I came here.”

“You know, belief and accepting God as your savior will get you into heaven…” and that struck a nerve in Louis as he interrupted the priest.

“I know it says that in the Bible – and I believe it – but why in the heck are so many people put in situations that they don’t deserve? The downtrodden are stepped upon and shoved in the mud. The innocent are led to slaughter by horrible people in this world. The rich get richer, while the poor struggle to put food on the table. Is that God’s will? Is that how you get into heaven— accepting thatthisis how God intended it?” His voice was trembling now as he raised it in bitter frustration thinking of his own impoverished upbringing. If he hadn’t made it into the Naval Academy, he wasn’t sure how his life would have ended up. He sent money home all the time to put food on his parents’ table so they didn’t have to work so hard. “Is that how God showsloveby letting good people starve?”

“No, he gives them free will to make choices and…”

“People do not choose to starve,” he bit off again. “People do not choose to get shot in the streets. They don’t choose to get beaten by people, maimed in accidents, devastated by war, or…”

“It sounds like you have doubts in your own faith.”

“I have doubt in a lot of things, Father.”

“Is that because you doubt your own faith – or are you afraid to put yourself out there, to open up and share your faith with another? Are you afraid of rejection? Of love?”

“Yes…” he admitted painfully. “I’m scared to death to let down someone I love, to fail them…”

“You know, if you keep one person from falling – that is all that is required of you.”

“I think that would take a miracle because I’m not the greatest person.”

“You don’t have to be – we were saved by a lowly carpenter. Remember that.”

Louis’ eyes opened as he stared at the man behind the screen, silent in sudden awareness as his mind raced.

“Miracles, hope, and love are all around us if you aren’t afraid to find them,” the priest continued softly in a caring voice. “Sometimes we don’t see them because we are afraid or it’s simply not time. God never intends for anyone to suffer – ever – he loves his children, and though it might seem like horrible things are happening all around us, it’s because we are guided as part of a bigger picture that our minds cannot grasp. That is where faith comes in, and forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn, but I think that is where you are struggling.”

“I am,” he whispered hoarsely.

“It’s human nature to struggle because we are not the Divine,” the priest said softly. “Just breathe, Louis, keep strong in your faith because He’s always watching, and there are angels everywhere among us. Take a chance to open your mind, andyou might be amazed at what happens to you. Now, have fun with your friends and be safe this evening, son.”

Louis nodded sagely, his head bent humbly as he breathed, feeling a little lighter in his soul. Maybe he was pushing himself too hard, and the priest was right – it would only take reaching one person to feel justified deep within himself, to feel like he was doing right, to be a bigger person, and maybe someday he would… wait.

Wait…

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