Realizing it was nothing but a dream had left her feeling frustrated and irritable.
Flying out of bed, she had chosen the warmest gown and hooded cloak she could find and made her way out of the house.
She had ambled aimlessly down the streets, trying to clear her head, and eventually found herself in Hyde Park.
As if summoned by her haunting thoughts, Robert had appeared behind her and had insisted upon walking with her.
In her heart, Georgiana wanted Robert to insist on accompanying her. She wanted to know he was there because hewanted to be with her, not merely because of some misplaced sense of obligation.
Theirs was not a love match, it was a marriage of convenience. She knew she was thinking irrationally, but she could not stop herself from yearning for a modicum of his affection.
Her husband was not obligated to treat her with anything except the utmost courtesy, respect, and honor. As far as she knew, he had always honored those duties.
To Georgiana’s surprise, Robert had somehow perceived her desire and made it plain that he wished to escort her. They strolled side by side, their shoulders brushing occasionally, his other hand on the horse’s bridle.
Georgiana sighed inwardly, trying to think of a way to decline his request that would not come off as a rejection.
“Must we?”
What is there to be discussed? We talked, we kissed, and he pushed me away. The end.
All that was left were the inevitable excuses he would make to explain why he had rejected her. Georgiana did not want to listen to him blathering inane justifications.
She prayed that they would continue to walk in silence, and he would simply let it go.
He would likely make it known once he was ready for an heir, at which point they could make suitable arrangements. For now, it was clear that intimacy was not something he wanted.
No such luck.
“You do not wish to discuss what transpired between us?” He sounded surprised.
“Not particularly, no.”
He stared at her, nonplused. “Why not?”
“There is nothing we can say that will change anything, so why say anything at all?”
“Well, for one thing, we cannot go on like this. It is simply not sustainable.”
Georgiana gave a bitter smile. “Is it because of children? I am certain you would like to have an heir.”
“Well… Of course, when one marries one expects to have an heir.” he inclined his head to the side in concession, speaking fast, “Perhaps two children.” He lifted his hands in protest. “But that is not what I am talking about.”
“Then what are you speaking of?” She peered up at him from beneath her hood with curiosity.
“Well, if we are being honest, there is an unnecessary amount of tension between us, and not just because our marriage remains unconsummated. I am not an animal, Duchess; I can wait until you are ready. But… I sense you harbor a simmering resentment towards me.”
She looked down with a sigh. Even if she had wanted to explain her complicated feelings, she did not possess the words to adequately express them.
Robert was right. She inwardly resented him for not showing her what to do and how to behave towards him. For expecting her to solve it on her own. It was too reminiscent of her former home life, and she refused to return to that pattern of behavior.
However, explaining that to him would involve besmirching her parents and she did not want to do that.
“It is not you,” she said finally. “Well,” she struggled a bit, trying to find the right words, “itisyou, but the reason for that is not you.”
He frowned at her in increasing puzzlement. “I do not understand.”
She nodded. “I know you do not. I simply need more time, and I will try my best not to behave resentfully towards you.”