Page 56 of One Pucking Chance

“Will you join me?” Her weak voice is filled with emotion.

“Are you sure, Anna? I’m happy to wait…”

“Please.” Her voice cracks.

“Okay.” I nod and start removing my clothes.

I climb in behind her so her back is to my front. I grab a sponge that rests by the side of the tub and squirt shower gel onto it. Using the soapy sponge, I lightly wash all the areas I can reach, running the sponge up and down her arms, over her shoulders, across her chest, and against her back.

When I’m finished, I have her lie back to wet her hair and begin washing that. She sighs as I massage my fingers against her scalp, and very slowly, I see her start coming back to me. It’s a subtle change, but minute by minute breathes more life into her.

After she’s clean, I wrap my arms around her middle and pull her back against me, hugging her tight. I press my lips against her shoulder and hold her. “You’re going to be okay.”

She doesn’t reply, but she pushes back into me and squeezes my arms.

I love this woman so much. At this moment, it becomes very clear to me that what I want most is her happiness. Whether or not she chooses me seems irrelevant. I simply need the color to come back to her cheeks and the light I’ve grown to love to sparkle once more in her eyes. I need to live in a world where she’s okay. I pray I can fix whatever it is that’s hurting her.

Goose bumps pebble against her arms as the water runs cold. I trace a finger over her skin. “I think that’s our cue to get out.”

The food arrives shortly after we’ve dressed, and we sit beside each other at the table and eat. Anna remains quiet as she picks at her food. Her normal appetite isn’t present, but she eats a decent serving.

As I clean up and put the rest of the food away, placing it inside her empty refrigerator, I hold a one-sided conversation just to fill the void. I talk about the guys, my trip here, and comment on California’s beautiful weather. I want to slap my own face when the topic of weather surfaces because what is wrong with me? It’s lame, but I’m trying. Anna doesn’t seem to mind my feeble attempts at conversation.

“Jaden.” Anna interrupts a particularly long musing about palm trees, to which I’m grateful.

“Yeah?”

“My mom died.”

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FIVE

ANNALISE

Jaden hurries over to me and wraps me in a hug. “Oh my gosh, Anna. I’m so sorry.”

That was only the second time I’ve uttered those words.My mom died.

The statement doesn’t seem real. When I told Miranda, it felt like someone other than me was saying those words because how could they be real? She beat cancer years ago. How can something she beat come back for her?

The moment I got the call, my chest tightened, and everything around me blurred. My mind could hardly understand the words. She’s gone. How could she be gone when I never got the chance to say goodbye? In recent years, I barely saw her. She was always too busy for frivolous visits, so I shouldn’t miss her as much as I do. But she was my mother. My only mother. Her absence is loud, and my world feels different. I feel different.

The past month has been the darkest point of my life. One thing after another has broken my heart. One thing after another has pushed me lower than I’ve ever been. I was buried in grief, and I didn’t know how to get out of it. While I know I’m nowhere close to breaking free from it, I can breathe again. Jaden gave me that.

I’m so mad at him, but when he showed up at my door earlier, my heart beat again. I knew he’d save me because, despite everything, that’s what he does. Despite the lies and the women, he knows how to care for me in a way that no one else does. He sees me—all of me. My heart comes alive when he is near. My lungs expand fully in his presence. My soul feels nurtured. I don’t want him, but I need him. He’s so very flawed, but I can’t pretend he’s not the one who can get me through this. I hate that I love him, but I love him just the same.

The contents of the folder cast a world of doubts on someone I thought to be incredible, and while he was in no way perfect, he was perfect for me. Now I don’t know. The knowledge I gained doesn’t match my time with him. My mind has been too dark, and my heart too heavy to deal with my issues with Jaden. At this moment, I’m just glad he’s here because I needed him.

“What happened, Anna?” He rubs my back.

I start to feel numb as I recount the details of my time here since returning from Michigan. “She was sick all that time, and they didn’t tell me.” Tears start to fall, and it makes me angry. I’m so sick of crying, but there’s no stopping them as I tell Jaden the worst part of all. “He didn’t let me say goodbye.”

His mouth opens to speak, but he closes it. The expression on his face is one of shock, and I understand because what father doesn’t allow his daughter to say goodbye to her mother? There aren’t words.

“He said I was a disappointment and I brought shame to her.”

“You know that’s not true, Anna. You are amazing. Please believe me when I say that nothing is wrong with you. Something is really wrong with your father.”

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