Page 67 of One Pucking Destiny

“Bash,” she says, confused, looking around me as if I brought company.

“Just me.”

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your game tomorrow?”

“Can I come in?” I rub the back of my neck.

“Um, sure.” She steps to the side, inviting me in.

She closes the apartment door behind her and turns to face me, her eyebrows squishing together as her gaze looks me over.

Just as she always does, her mere existence affects me. She’s so beautiful. I want to forget why I came here and get lost in her. This tiny closet of an apartment has become our secret happy place. Within these walls, I can love her in all the ways I want to. She can deny that she feels anything while accepting my advances. And we can exist in our mutual delusion.

After the week I’ve had, everything in me wants to put a stop to the reasons I came and kiss her full lips instead. That high would only be temporary, and the night of false feelings and unspoken issues would only hurt me tomorrow.

I swallow the lump in my throat. My foot shuffles against the cheap linoleum flooring, and I lock eyes with Ari. “I love you.” The declaration is forced into the air between us.

“Bash.” She sighs, looking toward the floor.

“No.” My tone firmer. “I love you, Ariana Cortez, and I know you love me, too. I can’t do this back-and-forth anymore. I can’t live in limbo like this. I want to be together and commit to loving one another out in the open.”

Unshed tears fill her eyes, and she blinks them away, her voice cracking. “I can’t.”

My hands clench into fists at my sides, and my head falls back as I expel a breath. I return my stare to Ari and shake my head. “No, I don’t accept that.”

Her eyes widen, and she takes a step back as her nostrils flare. “That’s not your choice. It’s mine. Ugh,” she groans. “I have been honest with you from the start.” She points a finger at me. “I told you I didn’t want a relationship. I told you I couldn’t do more. But you push and push and you push… and you don’t listen. I’m sorry that you’re hurt, but that’s not on me.”

I narrow my eyes. “Honesty? You want to talk about honesty? You haven’t been honest with yourself for a minute of our relationship.”

“We don’t have a relationship, Bash.” She throws her arms out to the side. “That’s what you’re not getting.”

“No.” I take a step toward her. “What you’re not getting is that we do. You’re just too terrified to admit it.” I move my hand back and forth between us. “We have an unreal connection, and you feel it. There’s noway you don’t. What we have doesn’t come around every day. It is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. We were meant to meet and be together.”

“I don’t buy this whole destiny thing, Bash. There’s no such thing. Your head lives up in the clouds, but I’m sorry, I live here on earth among the reality. In my world, it’s not time. I can’t be who you want me to be because I’m not there yet. I’m still fighting for the life I want.”

“I don’t want you to be anyone else. I love you exactly as you are. I’m not trying to change you. I want you to have everything your heart desires. Let’s fight for the life you want together.”

“That’s not part of the plan.” Her voice trembles. “I’ve told you from the start…”

I throw my hand up. “Maybe you didn’t want to find your partner until you had reached certain milestones, but you found me early. Life doesn’t always go to plan.”

“If you’re here, you’re not the one because I’m not ready!”

I first laid eyes on Ari nine months ago, and listening to her now makes it feel like we haven’t made any progress in all that time. It’s so hard to love someone the way I love her when she won’t be honest with herself. Angry heat flushes through my body. I swipe my palms against my pants.

Calm reason gives way to spite. “Your mother did a number on you.”

“What?” Ari shrieks. “My mother is the best in the world. She gave me everything!”

“She gave you her fear. She stunted your ability to grow. She made sure that your heart was so locked off to love that you can’t even see it when it’s standing right in front of you,” I seethe.

“That is not true,” she snaps. “She always told me that she wanted me to find love with a kind man. She’s never wanted me to live a loveless life.”

I shake my head. “Children don’t learn from words, Ari. They learn from actions. I love Elena, and I know she did her very best in raising you. But growing up, you saw a mother who had been deeply hurt by men. You saw her struggle, every day a battle, to create a life for you. You saw her push and push, never wavering until she got her degree. Did you ever see her love anyone but you? Did you see her take a chance on a connection with anyone but you? Tell me, how many guys did she date throughout the first twenty-one years of your life? Anyone?”

Ari blinks rapidly and steps away from me.

“You have this deep-seated belief in your bones that opening yourself up to love someone will only hurt you. You’ve built walls so high that no one will ever be able to get through. Believe me, I’ve tried. You werecreated to believe that there is only one way to achieve your dreams, through relentless work and great personal sacrifice. Do you think I want to steal your dreams from you? Do you think that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to support you and make sure you got everything you want in this life? Not everything is a fight, Ari. Maybe it was for your mom, but it doesn’t have to be for you. All I want to do is lift you up, love you, and support you. I see glimmers of your love when your guard is down and fragments sneak through your walls, but the second you realize, you throw them back up with more reinforcement.

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