“Thanks.” He sighs.
“Hey,” Cam whispers from behind me, and I turn around. “Come here.” She grabs my hand and pulls me away from the others. “What were you and Boss talking about? It looked a little intense there for a second. Everything okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, we’re fine. We talked about life. You know…just chitchat-type stuff. But then he asked me to come over.”
Cam covers her mouth. “Really?”
“Yeah, I guess he’s not mad anymore, but I don’t know if I should go.”
“Why not? I thought you really liked him?”
“That’s the problem. I do. So maybe it’s not wise to go and get my feelings all invested again. I don’t know. I mean, truth is, I really want to go.” I release an audible sigh. “But should I? I’m doing well. I don’t want to go backward.”
“I say, go.” She snorts. “I mean, why not? You want to. This, ‘new you,’” she says with air quotes, “can have fun, too. You don’t have to work so hard to be serious all the time, or you’ll lose yourself. You need to have a happy balance. Right?”
“Right.” I nod, looking past Cam to see Boss chatting with Deacon. “A happy balance,” I repeat her words.
“Look, I love that you’re trying to be a better person but just don’t lose yourself in the process. There are a million things I love about you…have always loved about you. We weren’t inseparable growing up because you were horrible. You were great. It’s okay to want to minimize some of your less than…” She purses her lips, and her eyes squint as she tries to come up with the right word. “Admirable traits. So yes…show more kindness, demonstrate patience, take life a little more seriously when warranted, lay off drugs—stuff like that. But don’t forget who you are. Boss didn’t fall for this new version of yourself. He fell for you, flaws and all—and that’s who he wants over tonight. You are enough.”
Tears well in my eyes as her words penetrate my heart. She’ll never understand just how much they mean to me.
She takes my hand in hers. “There’s a difference between growing up into a mature adult and changing who you are completely. You can’t change the person you are at your core and attempting to do so will only make you lead an inauthentic life. However, you can be a better version. Right?”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess that’s the goal, right?”
“It’s also a great one. We’re all a work in progress. None of us are perfect, but the way that guy is burning holes into your back right now with his intense stare, I’d say you’re perfect for him.” She grins.
“Pfft,” I scoff. “You’re right. Who am I kidding? Of course, I’ll go home with him. I can’t say no to that man. He’s just so…”
“I get it.” Cam grins, and we both turn to admire our guys. “I feel the same way about Deacon.”
* * *
The short ride toBoss’s condo is quiet. We’re in this unfamiliar territory full of awkward silence, neither of us knowing what the protocol is for this sort of reunion, only that we need it. Admittedly, we’re both equally void of relationship etiquette. Not that we’re in a relationship—though, our connection is the closest I’ve had to one.
He parks the car, and I follow him across the sidewalk and into his place. The memories of these surroundings pull at my heart, while producing a feeling of unease in my gut. Very bittersweet. A week of bliss that culminated with the worst kind of end, one based on regret.
“Can I get you something to drink?” he asks tersely, kicking off his shoes onto the rug by the door.
I unzip my boots and toe them off. “A water would be great. Thanks.”
Scanning the space, I realize that everything is the same. Every picture on the wall is exactly where it was months ago. The remote control for the television is sitting in the same spot on the table beside the black leather sofa. Everything is in its place as if nothing has changed.
But that’s not true. I have. I raise my gaze to Boss and can’t help but notice that he has, too. And that’s on me.
When we first met, we both jumped in headfirst. It was fun and exciting. A weeklong adventure. A fling.
Yet it wasn’t a fling. We had a connection that was real. When you lose that, it changes a person.
The flirting and innuendos from Deacon’s place have vanished because, here in his condo, things are now real. Actual actions come with feelings that could lead to remorse. Unfortunately, Boss has firsthand knowledge of that fact.
He hands me a glass of ice water. “Thanks,” I say, taking a sip. “This is weird.”
“You think?” he counters, raising a brow.
“I should go.” I set the glass of water on the table.
“Wait.” He reaches for me and takes my hand. He holds my stare with an intensity that makes me breathless. “I don’t want you to go.”