Page 47 of Found

She takes another deep breath. “I don’t know how else to say this, but Alec raped me while his friends watched, and then his friend did some stuff to me while I was passed out.” A torrent of tears escapes her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

“What?” I shriek. “What?” I repeat, having a hard time wrapping my mind around her words. I stand and then sit back down. “What?”

“Yes, Lexi. I was raped that night, and it's basically fucked up my life ever since.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? How did you get out? I can’t believe this.”

“I ran out when they were all sleeping—well, all but one. I tricked him into thinking I was going to blow him. When he was taking off his pants, I ran. I didn’t tell you because I was so embarrassed, hurt, disgusted, and mad. You name it, I was feeling it.” She wipes the tears from her face with her sleeve. “Rationally, I knew that it wasn’t your fault, but I was so angry with you because you had left me.” She raises her eyes to mine. “You left me, Lex.”

Sobs overtake her as she drops her chin to her chest. Rising from the chair, I sit on the couch beside her, wrapping her in my arms. I hold her while she cries. For a moment, the weight of guilt leaves me speechless. What kind of person leaves her best friend alone in a club in Mexico to go sleep with some asshole? This girl.

“I’m so sorry,” I choke out. Words will never be enough to express the sorrow I feel for what I’ve done to my friend. She needed me, and I failed her time and time again.

“I know it isn’t your fault, but I hold so much resentment toward you still. I’ve tried to let it go, but I can’t. I’m just so mad. Why did you leave me? Why did you always choose everything over me? We went there together, and you ditched me within five minutes on the first night. Why couldn’t you have just been a good friend?”

My own tears fall rapidly now, blurring my vision. Everything she says is true.

“I was a horrible friend. I’m so sorry. It's my fault. It's totally my fault. I’m such a selfish bitch, Cam. If I could go back and change it, I would. I know now what a bad friend I was to you. I don’t know why it's taken me so long to grow up. It just has. I've been fucking up my own life for so long, and now, I find out that I fucked yours up, too. I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but it's all I have to give. I'm so fucking sorry. Why do you even talk to me still?”

She relaxes into my embrace, and for the first time in a long time, I feel the connection we used to have. “Because I love you, and despite it all, some of my best memories growing up were with you. You know, I barely had a relationship with my mom. You were my family. Dysfunctional as it was, I loved it. You were wild and crazy, but I knew you loved me, and that helped me so much while I was growing up. You were my person.”

“And you were mine, Cam. I’m sorry I was such a shitty person. I did always love you. I still do. You are my family, too. I wish you had told me when it happened. I would've helped you. I might not have been the best help, but I would've tried. It would have been better than going through it alone. So you weren’t sick that week, were you?” I recall how she told me she had a stomach bug and laid in bed all week. I spent the entirety of the week with Gage while Cam stayed in our room alone.

“No, not in the way I told you I was.”

“Oh, Cam, it all makes sense now. You were never the same after that trip. I should have known something had changed, but of course, I was too self-absorbed to put two and two together. Does anyone else know? Deacon must.”

“Yeah, Deacon and Claire know everything.”

“Your mom?”

She laughs coldly. “Definitely not.”

“Oh, my God, Cam, I feel like such a bitch. Where do we go from here? I don’t even know what to say or do. I fuck everything up.”

I’ve felt this unspoken resentment from Cam for years now, and I never understood it. I held on to her because, in my heart, I knew our friendship was worth fighting for. Now, I find out that it’s brought her nothing but pain and bad memories these past five years. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to her, but I will. I’ll be the best friend a girl can have from now on.

“There's nothing for you to do, Lex. Deacon is helping me let go of all the pain I've been harboring for so long. He thought it would help me to talk to you, you know, clear the air. I have to say that I do feel lighter. I know there's nothing to do now but to move on. Just you knowing makes me feel less alone, less angry.”

Leaning back into the couch, we sit closely next to each other with our sides touching. We are silent for a moment.

I speak up, “Cam, I really am so sorry that something so horrible happened to you. I know I’ve been a shitty-ass friend, but I promise to try to do better. I’m trying to get my shit together. You’ve changed so much and have this new life here in Chicago, but I’m still living the same shitty existence. Nothing has changed for the better back home, especially with you not being there. When I think of lifelong friends, I still think of you, and I hope you’ll put me back in that category someday.”

She chuckles dryly. “Well, despite my best efforts, you’re still here, aren’t you? I think we’re stuck in the friendship thing. You look good, Lex, healthier.”

“I’m trying. That whole mess that happened with Boss woke me up. I don’t want to live the rest of my life with fucking losers who only work to make enough money to score their next hit. I want someone with his head on straight, someone who makes a difference, someone of value, you know?”

“Like Boss?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, someone like that. He really was the first decent guy to show any interest in me. It was probably because he didn’t know I was a complete loser until I showed my true colors. I’ve come to realize that no one of value is going to want me if I don’t value myself.”

“Alexa Anne Laine, did that seriously just come out of your mouth? What are you—a philosopher now?” She throws her head back against the couch and laughs. “That was deep for you. You are changing.”

“I told you, I’m trying. I’m entertaining the thought of moving up here with you. You know, get away from everything down there and be close to my person.” I nudge her in the side.

“Oh, God!” She groans dramatically.

“Hey! I thought we were fixing things here.”

---