Page 92 of Finding London

It feels so good to have him in my arms again.How am I going to make it a year when I couldn’t even make it three days?Good thing I saw him midweek, or I would have been more pathetic than I am at the present time.

That’s a lie.

I couldn’t possibly be more pathetic due to the fact that I’m currently crying.Damn it.

I’m not exactly sure when I started, but I’m sobbing on Loïc’s soft T-shirt that smells like fabric softener and the sexy-as-hell cologne he uses.

God, he smells good.

Pull yourself together, London, before he notices.

“London, are you crying?” he asks, concerned.

Well, shit.

“No,” I lie through a sniffle.

Loïc laughs. “London, why are you crying?” He sounds completely amused.

“I don’t know,” I mumble, my throat tight, as my arms continue to cling to his neck.

“Look at me.”

I shake my head.

“London, please look at me,” he says gently, placing a finger beneath my chin.

I let him guide me, slowly lifting my head, without attempting to wipe my tears.What’s the point?

“What is it?”

“Do you still love me?” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. This isn’t me. In fact, I hate this weak version of myself. Yet, apparently, where Loïc is concerned, I’m not very strong.

His big blue eyes widen. “Of course I do. Come here.” He moves us to the bench on my front porch and sets me down. He takes a seat next to me and grabs my hands in his. “Tell me what the issue is, London. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

I wipe the wetness on my cheeks. Now that my face isn’t buried in Loïc’s shirt, the tears have stopped coming, which I’m thankful for. I take a large breath and steady myself. “I’m just afraid.”

Loïc urges me on with his kind expression.

Why is he the one comforting me?

In a matter of a week, our roles seem to have reversed.

I sigh, letting a gush of air out through my lips. “I’m just afraid that I’m going to lose you. I…I’ve had a lot of time to think about us this week, and I really don’t want to lose you. I think I need you more than I realized.”

He cocks his head to the side. “Is this about Sarah?”

“Maybe.” I shrug.

“Do you think something happened between us?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

He wipes his thumb across my cheek, catching an errant tear. “London, nothing happened with Sarah.” He regards me with a thoughtful expression. “She knows that I love you, and I know that I love you. Plus, throw in the fact that she and I don’t have that type of relationship, and we never have. I know we’re close, and that can be a little off-putting if you don’t understand it, but I promise you that I don’t love her in a romantic way. I’ve always cared for her like family, someone that I needed to protect. I will love her in that way forever, and she will always have a huge part in my life. But I will never love her the way I love you. You own my heart in that way. You’re the only one who ever has.”

I allow his words to fall around me, soothing my frazzled nerves like a warm heating blanket. “Okay.” I nod, feeling relieved and mildly idiotic. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m being so emotional. I guess the mind can do some damage when it’s left to think of all the worst-case scenarios for a week straight.”

He pulls me into him. My head is beneath his chin as his strong arms hug me.

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