Page 37 of Finding London

My mouth opens wide as I gasp in disapproval. Loïc sets the kayak down on the bank by the river.

“If you think I’m so spoiled, why are you here with me?” I ask firmly, my pride overruling my desire to shut up and be the girl that Loïc wants me to be.

Yes, I’m infatuated with him. Yes, I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone else in my life. But I’m not a good actress. I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Loïc would see right through it. I just wish I were someone who knew exactly who she was. My attitude is all over the place. I’m composed of a myriad of opposing emotions. In the past few weeks, I’ve realized that I’m somewhat of a train wreck. No matter how badly I want Loïc, it’d be better for him to tire of me sooner than later, right? It’s best to let my true colors shine.

Loïc takes a step toward me until we are a breath apart. He places his hand on my shoulder, rubbing his thumb across my collarbone. He stares at me with so much intensity that my heart begins to beat wildly in my chest.

“Do you know why I waited a week to text you, London?”

I shake my head, my eyes wide.

“It’s because I’m fucked up. I have issues and not small ones either. I have real ones that prevent me from having too many true relationships in my life. I hate that about myself, and I wish it were different, but it’s not.

“But then I saw this girl who was so insanely beautiful that I could barely breathe in her presence. From the moment I met her, I relied on the walls that I had put up to keep people out, but it didn’t matter. She got in. Despite all my efforts, she penetrated my walls. She was constantly on my mind, and just when I figured I would lose my mind from thinking about her, I randomly ran into her.

“I fought hard to ignore her, to hate her. I wanted to detest her. I did. Longing for someone you can’t have is nothing short of torture. So, I picked apart everything about her, looking for a flaw big enough to keep her from monopolizing my thoughts. Regardless of the negatives that popped up, the positives were always the loudest.

“I can’t describe my attraction to her because it is so much more than physical. Something about her calls to me, beckoning me toward her. It’s almost innate, unstoppable. So, finally, after deliberating so much that I thought my brain would burst, I decided to give it a chance.

“Perhaps, as she told me before, we’re truly meant to be. Just maybe, I’m meant to have happiness in this life. I know she’s not perfect. She has flaws, as do I. But I texted her back because what if my lots of fucked up and her little of fucked up can be fucked up together?” His other hand grasps my waist, and his fingers dig into my skin in the most delightful way.

He pauses a moment and regards me with burning eyes. “Maybe, where you have holes, I can fill you with my strength, and where I am ripped wide open, you can mend me. There has to be a reason that you’re the first woman in my life whom I can’t ignore. It’s a lot to hope. But there’s a small chance that, someday, we won’t be fucked up together; we’ll just be together.”

All I can manage to say is, “Wow.”

“I know.” Loïc’s voice is low. His hand releases its hold on my waist.

“I mean, like, wow, I didn’t know you had all those words in you.”

Loïc throws his head back in laughter. “I told you I’ve had a lot of time to think.”

“I guess so. Did you have that all planned out? That’s deep for a second date.” I know I shouldn’t be kidding with him after he just laid his heart and soul out for me, but I need a moment to process his words, and I’m pretty sure he needs it, too.

“No, it just sorta came out.”

“You’re a deep kinda guy, I guess.”

“I’m definitely intense. You can add that to my flaw category.”

“I’m digging your flaws.” I smile.

“And I’m digging yours.”

“Even the fact that I’m a little spoiled?” I quirk up a brow in question.

“Even that.” He chuckles.

“There is one major flaw that I can’t overlook.” I press my lips together.

Loïc’s expression goes serious. “What’s that?”

I take in a big breath. “Well, usually, when a guy gives a sweet and sexy speech like that, he follows it up with an equally as hot kiss. I’m feeling cheated without a kiss, and that’s definitely being marked as a flaw.”

Using that deliciously low voice that makes my toes curl, he says, “Lucky for you, that’s one I can fix.”

Before I can think of a witty response, his mouth is on mine. He wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me in, so our bodies are flush as our tongues move desperately against each other. I thread my fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck, pushing our mouths as close together as possible.

I can’t get enough of Loïc. I don’t think I ever will.

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