Page 50 of Taming Georgia

I’m not certain what tomorrow will bring, but in my heart, I feel it’s time to move on and find another organization to help. There are countless ones that need it.

I bounce from place to place, helping others, because it makes me feel good inside. This, here, doesn’t feel good. It hurts. I can’t stay.

I leave the office without a backward glance. I don’t need to see him or his judgmental stare. I know what he thinks of me, and nothing I can say will change it. Some people are too stubborn to believe anything that doesn’t fit into the narrative they’ve created inside their head. Rather than seeking the truth, he chooses to ignore the facts right in front of him. I’m done.

Maybe.

I don’t know.

I’ll decide tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.

Walking away from Wyatt is something I’ve done before, and I’m thinking, in the near future, I’ll be doing it again.

But these dogs…

Out of habit, I grab a treat bag and walk by each kennel. I give treats and pet heads. I say good-bye to each perfect face. Reaching Luna’s area, I bend, handing her a treat. She’s still so sick and weak, but she wags her tail anyway.

“I love you,” I tell her. “You’re going to find such a great home with people who will adore you. I promise. You won’t have to hurt again.”

Tears roll down my face. I hate saying good-bye to the dogs. I’m not ready to leave. This place is magical and truly saves lives. The people who work here—Ethel, Xavier, and the rest of the guys—are wonderful humans with some of the kindest spirits I’ve come across. They feel like family, and walking away from here means walking away from them and the dogs.

How can such an incredible place make me so sad? But it’s not the place. I know that. It’s the person. I wish I didn’t still harbor feelings toward him. If my heart didn’t crave him, it wouldn’t matter how he felt about me. If he were a nobody, it wouldn’t bother me. Yet he left this imprint on my soul years ago, and I haven’t been able to shake it since. I want more than anything to be able to detest him the way he does me. If that were the case, I could stay. But feeling my heart break a little more every day isn’t something that I’m equipped for.

I’ve always thought that I was strong, maybe even stronger than most. I’ve seen the worst that mankind has to give, and I’ve been able to stand tall through it, even extending a helping hand to those who need support to get up.

Wyatt Gates is my weakness. The harder I try to let him go, the more fiercely my heart holds on.

I can’t get over him, and because of that, I can’t stay here.

I open Hope’s cage, walk in, and shut it behind me. Leaning against the wall of her enclosure, I slide down until I’m seated on the ground. The chubby puppies start jumping on me. Some lick at the tears on my face, and I can’t help but smile. Puppies really are amazingly therapeutic.

“You’re all getting so big.” I smile through the tears. “And look who’s the biggest.” I wrap my fingers around Mila and hold her up to my face, giggling as she licks my nose. “I wish I could take you with me.” I press her against me, and she nuzzles into my neck.

Maybe I could come back for her when she’s ready to be weaned from Hope and her siblings. I need to figure out what my next step is. As much as I love her, I don’t tend to stay in one place for too long, and that’s not a good life for a dog.

“I’d take you if I could, but I’m a mess. I’m just…”

Lost.

I pet her soft fur.

“All right, babies. I have to go.” I kiss them all on the top of their heads and pet Hope before stepping out.

Tears continue to fall as the puppies all jump up on the gate, wanting out. Soon enough, they’ll all have homes. I pray that their new owners are good people. I know that Wyatt does background and home checks on the adoption applicants. But still, I worry. Humans can be so cruel. With one final look at the first puppies I was able to see born, I turn to leave.

I jump, startled to see Wyatt standing a couple of feet away, watching me in that way he does. His eyes narrow as they study me. His hands rest in the pockets of his track pants.

My morning run seems so long ago. I’ve spent the entire day with Wyatt. We chatted with Mark. We saved Luna. We took care of the rest of the dogs in the shelter. We ate pizza and watched at least part of a movie together before I fell asleep. Then, I dreamed of him—again—and everything changed.

It’s so surreal how I can start my day as one person and end it as a completely different one.

Wyatt lifts his hand from his pocket and rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t understand what’s happening.” His voice is different than it usually is. It beckons me closer.

I take a step in his direction.

“I just…I…” I breathe deeply. “I don’t think I can volunteer here anymore.”

“What’s changed? I couldn’t get you to leave when I was horrible to you, and now that I’m trying to be decent, you want to go?”

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