Page 63 of Eternally London

I throw some toys, snacks, and diapers into a bag in record time. I get Lindi situated in her car seat, and then we head to the hospital. I don’t remember the drive, but we arrive safely.

“Come on, sweetie.” I grab Lindi and then race into the building, desperate to find out about Loïc.

I need him to be okay.

I’m told that Loïc is still in surgery, and I’m instructed to wait in the waiting room. I hold Lindi on my lap as she happily flips through books. I, myself, don’t feel much of anything. A terrifying numbness has taken over me.

I jump when my phone goes off. I grab it from my purse and see that it’s my mom. I tell her where I am, and she tells me not to worry and that she and my dad will be here soon.

More time goes by. Each second is an eternity.

It’s not fair.This isn’t fair.

Loïc’s been through enough in his life. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves happiness. Our life was perfect, and we’d earned it.

“London, honey.”

I hear my mom’s voice beside me. I stand with Lindi in one arm, and I wrap the other around my mom. Burying my face into her neck, I sob.

My mom and my dad wrap me and Lindi in their embrace.

After a bit, my parents drop their arms, and I look up to my mom.

“What happened? How is he?”

“I don’t know, Mom. All I know is that he was shot, and he’s in surgery. I don’t know where he was shot. He could’ve been shot in the head for all I know.” I cry.

“He could have also been shot in the arm, London. Don’t make it worse in your mind until we know,” my dad tells me.

“It is the worst, Dad. It’s not right. He’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve this.” My shrill voice echoes throughout the waiting room.

“We know, sweetie. It will be okay.” My mom squeezes my hand. “Is this our granddaughter?”

My attention snaps to Lindi. She’s resting on my hip, her arms around my neck, taking in the scene around her with curiosity.

She’s such a good baby.

“Yeah.” I smile, despite the massive sorrow permeating my heart. “This is our girl, Lindi Blue. Isn’t she perfect?”

“She is,” my mom agrees.

I introduce Lindi to my parents. She takes them in, thoughtfully staring at them, and then touches their cheeks with the palms of her hands.

“That means she likes you,” I say warmly.

I watch as my parents ooh and aah over Lindi while she wins them over with her innate charm.

Please let my baby grow up with a daddy, I pray.

Eventually, Lindi is comfortable enough with my parents that she sits on my mom’s lap while my mom reads her books. The sight melts my heart. This is such a special moment, and it shouldn’t be like this. My parents are meeting their first grandchild for the first time…in a hospital waiting room while we wait to find out if their granddaughter’s daddy is going to live.

A couple of military officers enter the room. I stand, knowing that they’re here for me. I ask them if they know anything about Loïc’s condition. They don’t. They ask me a few questions. I tell them what I know—that Loïc got a text from Tommy this morning, and it didn’t sit well with him, so he left to check on him. They confirm that it was Tommy who shot him, but in my heart, I already knew that.

They leave, and I sit back down.

I don’t understand why Tommy did this. Loïc cares so much about him. Loïc has tried to help Tommy over and over again. He’s spent countless nights tossing and turning, trying to figure out a way to make Tommy’s life better. And this is how Tommy says thank you? It literally makes me sick.

I press my arms against my belly that burns with bile, willing myself not to throw it up. I honestly can’t think about Tommy right now. There is so much worry and fear in me. I can’t possibly add an immense amount of anger to the equation. I’d explode. It’s too much. I pull in a deep breath, wishing all thoughts of Tommy away.

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