Page 73 of Eternally London

Almost an hour later, we’re pulling up to the VA hospital.

“I hate this,” I tell Loïc after we’ve gotten out of the car.

He takes my hand. “I know, but it’s important for you to forgive him and for him to see that you have. The guilt is eating him up, London. He’s so sorry, and he doesn’t need anything else to add to his plate of stuff that keeps him up at night. He’s trying to heal, and he needs this.”

“Well, sorry if I’m still bitter that he almost killed my husband,” I say with a huff.

“He didn’t though, and we’re happier than ever. He deserves to find his happiness, too.”

“I know,” I say with a sigh.

Loïc and I have been over this time and time again. I feel like I have forgiven Tommy to an extent, but Loïc doesn’t think I have.

Fine, maybe he’s right.

We check into the psychiatric wing of the hospital.

“How long will Tommy be here?” I ask.

“As long as he needs to be.”

We walk through a common room, and I’m surprised. There are people here of all ages, mainly men. No one is eating checkers or throwing chairs. I’m sure there are some patients who are more aggressive in their behavior, but everyone I see looks so normal.

We head down the hall, away from the common room, and I whisper to Loïc, “They don’t look sick.”

“Yet some of them are the most sick,” Loïc says solemnly. “The mind is the scariest thing to break.”

“Yeah.” I nod knowingly. I’ve seen what Loïc’s been through—his nightmares, his panic attacks—yet he’s one of the lucky ones.

We reach Tommy’s room and find him sitting in his wheelchair, playing a video game.

“Hey, man,” Loïc greets him with one of those handshakes that is a mix between a shake and a high five. “You’ve met my wife, London.”

“Hi,” I say with a smile.

“Hi, ma’am,” Tommy replies.

“Oh, London’s fine.” I let out a small chuckle.

Tommy and Loïc talk video games for a while. I look around the room and am saddened to see nothing personal. It’s just an ordinary hospital room. Tommy’s been here for almost a month, yet he has nothing that gives clues to who he is—no pictures of family, nothing. It’s sad, and it makes my heart hurt for him. If I’d been in the hospital for a month, I’d have a roomful of goodies from all of my friends and family.

I spot an insulated Garth Brooks water bottle next to the lamp on the end table. I smile, knowing that he got it at the concert that Loïc took him to. Loïc really is all he has. My stomach drops when I think about how I gave Loïc grief every time he went to visit Tommy. I was just so angry with Tommy for almost killing my husband, and I was annoyed with Loïc for not hating him for it.

I mean, how can you not be angry with the person who shot you?

Yet Loïc’s never been mad at Tommy. Even right after he woke up from surgery in a great deal of pain, he still wasn’t upset with him.

I watch Loïc and Tommy joke back and forth. Tommy calls Loïc an old man after he apparently beats him at something on the video game. I really look at him. Tommy is this young man with no legs, scars up his arms, living in a hospital with no family to visit. On top of that mess, I know he has flashbacks of his experience overseas that haunt him every hour of every day.

Yet he’s here, with a smile on his face, playing games with my husband. Despite all the wrongs in his life, he’s not one of the twenty-two. He’s not one of the twenty-two soldiers who take their own lives every single day, and a large part of that is because of my husband, who has refused to give up on him. Loïc has been one of his only friends, his only family, and his strength, refusing to let him fall into the darkness.

And Loïc’s right.How can I not forgive him?I do. Of course I do. It’s impossible to be this close to him and not have your heart break. Because, though he’s smiling, there’s still so much sadness in his eyes. He’s here because he doesn’t trust himself to leave it.

How scary would that be? To not be able to trust your own mind?

It’s easy to take a healthy mind for granted, but for those who don’t have one, each day is a daunting battle.

After the guys are finished, we all head down to the cafeteria to grab some food.

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