Page 22 of Eternally London

“I have your water. Hurry up. I have to tell you what Ethan just said,” Paige says through the door.

I wait a few moments.

“London?”

I try to compose my thoughts, but before I can answer Paige, I hear her shuffling on the other side of the door.

Then, she’s singing through the crack by the door handle asking me if I want to build a snowman.

I chuckle, swiping the tears that fell.

And, now, she’s literally screaming the song from the other side, and all I can do is laugh. Paige and I watched that Disney movie so many times a few years back, and we can sing every word to every song.

“Paige!” I yell above her vocal number. “Paige!”

She stops singing. “Yes?”

“Can you do me a favor?” I ask her.

“Sure. What do you need?”

“I need a glass of wine, a tampon, and Loïc, please.”

There’s a momentary pause, and I know her alcohol-clouded mind is processing what I just said.

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice is lined with sympathy. “I’m on it. Be right back.”

Minutes later, Loïc is holding me in his arms.

“I’m so sad,” I tell him. “I’m sorry I didn’t get pregnant.”

“London, stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. It doesn’t always happen on the first try…or the second or third. Sometimes, it takes time. Just because it didn’t happen this month doesn’t mean it won’t. It’s okay, babe.”

“I just really thought I was.”

“I know. Me, too,” he admits, his beautiful blues so gentle. “I think it’s because we wanted you to be pregnant so badly. But, in a week or so, we get to start trying again, and that’s kinda awesome.” He squeezes me tight.

“Yeah, it is.” I release a dry chuckle. “I’ll never complain abouttryingwith you.”

“Exactly. That’s the fun part.”

“Maybe we should get one of those ovulation tests at the pharmacy, so we know for sure when we should be trying,” I suggest.

“Sounds good. You ready to go back out to the party?”

“Yeah, but if Sarah starts blabbing on about baby names, I’m out.”

He laughs. “If she does, you’ll have to race me out of there.”

I’ve never been a patient person. Besides the year of my life without Loïc, I’ve always gotten pretty much everything I’ve wanted. Or at least the important things. It’s such an odd feeling to know that I can’t make it happen. I’m going to get pregnant when I get pregnant, and that’s that. It’s annoying and frustrating, but I have Loïc, and I can do anything with him by my side.

Loïc

“She’s in no way perfect. Yet, at the same time, she’s absolutely perfect for me.”

—Loïc Berkeley

The men leisurely file out of the room that we use for our weekly PTSD meetings. The room isn’t very inviting with its stark white walls and interrogation-like bright fluorescent lights, but this is the room that the VA has available.

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