Page 57 of Loving London

I can’t help but smile when London speaks about her life out here. I’ve always been extremely attracted to London, but seeing her so independent and successful just boosts my attraction to her up a notch.

Back at London’s apartment, Kate excuses herself to go read, and London and I find our way to her bedroom.

She closes the door behind herself and kicks off her sandals. “Are you comfortable in your uniform?”

“Yeah.” I nod.

“All right.” She shrugs and lies across her bed on her side.

She pats the other side of the mattress. I grin before lying down across from her.

We face each other like two bookends with an untold story between us.

“Where do we go from here?” she asks.

“I don’t want to be with anyone else, London.”

“Me either.” Her voice quivers. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me, too.” I lean in for a soft kiss. “London, I feel like I owe you an explanation for my behavior.”

“You don’t have to, if it’s too hard,” she offers me an out.

“No, I do because you have to know that it was never you. You hold no blame in this. You are and always have been perfect to me.” I tuck an errant lock of her hair behind her ear.

I don’t know where to start or what to say. So, I start with Cooper, and I tell her the truth—every ugly bit of it. She listens attentively as I talk about our mission, the grenade, Cooper’s death, and waking up in Germany without my leg.

London gasps. “You lost your leg?” She looks down toward my legs, covered in my fatigues.

It startles me that she didn’t know. But how could she? I walk without a limp now, and my leg’s covered.

Suddenly, I’m very self-conscious and filled with doubt.

London looks back up to my face. “You know I don’t care, Loïc. Right? You’re not worried about that, are you?”

“Maybe a little,” I admit.

London starts to cry and wraps her arms around me, burying her face against my chest. “Is that why you wouldn’t let me see you?”

“Partly, but it wasn’t just the leg. It was the depression and the posttraumatic stress. I wasn’t well. I felt useless, unworthy, guilty, and utterly hopeless. At the time, I thought you deserved better. I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking it off. I didn’t have the courage to do it in person because I knew you’d find a way to talk me out of it. I didn’t want to be talked out of it because I was convinced that, down the road, you would leave me for someone else, someone whole in every way. I was just…a vacant shell. I was hurting so much, and I knew I couldn’t survive you leaving me. So, I ended it on my terms. You have to understand that I wasn’t thinking clearly, but in that moment, I thought I was doing you a favor.”

“Loïc, that’s not how real love works. Would you ever leave me if I were sick or hurt?”

“No.”

“Then, why did you think I could have done that to you? I love you, Loïc.Love you,” she says, emphasizing the last words. “Nothing in this world could make me stop. Heck, I’ve been trying to get over you for over a year now, and I love you more than ever.” She peppers light kisses across my face.

She continues speaking, “I don’t know why we work, but we do. On the outside, looking in, it appears that we have nothing in common. We’re complete opposites in almost every way. We come from different backgrounds. But none of that matters. All I know is that my soul craves yours. My heart needs yours. My mind loves yours.”

“I love you, too, London. So much. I’m so sorry that I put you through so much heartache but know that I never meant to. I came for you as soon as I was able. I’m sorry I misread the situation. I could have saved us a lot of heartache.” I run my hand down her back.

“I hated our time apart, but maybe we needed it. It gave me some time to work on some of my flaws,” she says.

“Me, too. Though I love all of your flaws,” I admit truthfully.

“Well, I hope you have a few less to love now.” She winks. “I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I think we’ve both been trying to become a person the other could be proud of.”

“I was always proud of you,” I say.

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