Page 54 of Loving London

“I am.” He nods.

“Well, that’s…great,” I offer. The simple sight of Loïc before me makes my knees weak.

“What are you doing here? Did you know I’d be here?”

I shake my head with a sad chuckle. “Uh, no. Hence, this mess.” I point to myself. “I was assigned to write an article about this.” I bite my lip. “Well, crap. I guess the story is just going to be about you and the guy before you.”

Pulling his shoulders back, he smiles. “I’m proud of you, London.”

I grab the base of my neck, rubbing out the tension. “For what?”

“For coming out here and living your dream, being a fancy journalist.”

I sigh, dropping my arm to my side. “Well, I have you to thank for that.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine. I know.” He nods slowly.

I swallow hard. “I didn’t want to leave you, Loïc. I would have done anything for you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I pushed you away. I was in a very dark place. I wasn’t thinking clearly. In my mind at the time, I thought you’d be better off without me. It was a cowardly move, but it was all I was capable of then.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I am. I got help. Lots of doctors, medications. I’ve been able to get off most of my medications, but I’ll always have to stay on top of my mental health. It will probably be an ongoing struggle. But talking to others, like I did today, is very therapeutic.”

“I’m so glad you’re better, Loïc. How are Sarah and the baby?” I ask with a clench of my jaw.

“Great. Evan’s first birthday is next week. He’s the most adorable little boy. I love him so much.”

“I’m happy for you,” I say even though my heart is shattering all over again as I think of Loïc with Sarah and their beautiful little family.

“How’s your boyfriend?” Loïc’s question seems random.

My eyes dart up to his. “Uh, I don’t have one.”

“You broke up?” he inquires.

“I haven’t dated anyone since you, Loïc.” For some reason, I want him to know that.

A mixture of emotions crosses his face, the most obvious being confusion. “But I saw you.”

“What do you mean?” I bite my lip with a frown.

“Last year, I flew out here to see you. I got your address from Maggie. I went to your apartment and saw you sitting outside on a restaurant patio, right next to your place. There was a man, and he kissed you. I didn’t want to ruin anything for you. So, after seeing that you were happy, I just left.”

I hold my hands to my sides as they start to tremble. “What?” I shriek, barely able to process his words. “You came for me?” My eyes fill with tears once more.

Disappointment gleams in his eyes. “Yeah, but you were happy…and…”

“And nothing. I wasn’t happy without you. I certainly wasn’t dating anyone. That was my boss, and he kissed me to be funny. That was the second and last time he ever kissed me. I can’t believe you came out here, and you didn’t come see me.” My voice rises. I gulp down the ache that’s building a tightness in my throat.

“I was going to, but I told myself, if you were happy, then I would leave you alone. You looked great, London. I didn’t want to bring you pain.”

“I can’t believe this.” I shake my head. “I just can’t. So, you’re with Sarah now?”

“No, I’m not with her.”

“You’re not?” I ask, my voice shaky. “What about the baby?”

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