Page 27 of Loving London

But, with Sarah, it’ll never be an option.

She’s moving up my body. She kisses my neck.

“Sarah, stop.”

“Just let me love you,” she whispers.

“You know you don’t have to do that. We’ve been through this before.” I sigh, thinking about all the times similar scenarios happened between Sarah and me when we were younger.

“It’s not like that, Loïc.” She lifts herself up onto her elbows, resting her forearms against my chest, and peers into my eyes. “This isn’t me as a broken girl, desperately trying to feel love. This is me as an adult, telling you that I love you. I want a life with you, Loïc. There is no one that can love you like I can, and there is no one who has ever loved me as much as you have. We’re meant to be together.”

“You’re my family,” I respond. “Of course I love you. I would do anything to help you, to make you happy. But I don’t love you like that.”

She gives her head a slight shake. “You don’t think you love me in that way because you’ve always treated me like a sister, but if you give it a chance, I know it can work between us. We can be together, raise this little boy, and be a real family. You don’t have to be Uncle Loïc. You can be Daddy.”

“I can’t.”

“I know,” she sighs, a trace of sorrow lining her voice. “I know that things are rough for you right now, but”—her demeanor changes as a smile graces her face—“that actually makes this more perfect because this baby and I can make you happy. We will love you so much that your heart will heal. You and I came into each other’s lives for a reason. We are meant to be together. Just please think about it.”

“I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, Sarah. Fate and destiny and all that shit aren’t real.” I push up against the couch cushions until I’m sitting up.

Sarah sits beside me, turning to face me. She stares at me for a moment. “You are my destiny, Loïc. You came into my life like a knight in shining armor and rescued me from a life of hell. You saved me. That’s fate. I have loved you ever since you grabbed my hand and we ran out of that house when I was thirteen.”

I’ve always hated the idea of fate. For a brief moment, when I was with London and life was so great and I felt true happiness, I thought,Maybe?

But then it all came crashing down again, like it always does, reminding me that nothing happens for a reason.

My temper flares beneath the surface, and I will it to stay contained as I speak, “Sarah, to say that everything happens for a reason is to say that my parents were supposed to die and my grandparents were destined to abandon me. It’s to say that you were supposed to be molested, raped, and left by all those who were supposed to love you the most. It’s to say that Cooper—the best man I’ve ever known—was supposed to die. That’s bullshit, Sarah. Things simply do not happen for a reason. Life has no rhyme or reason, and shitty things happen to good people every single day. Life isn’t love, destiny, rainbows, and butterflies. Life is shit. It’s painful and hard. It’s surviving when you want to give up.”

“No, Loïc…” Sarah’s lip trembles as tears escape from her eyes. She places her hand on my good leg and squeezes gently. “Life gives us heartache, so we can appreciate the joy. You taught me that.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Not with words, but with your actions. You showed me that, even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found. You showed me that, even when you have nothing, if you have love, you have enough. You showed me that, if we persevere through the difficult times, something good will be waiting for us at the end. Yeah, life can be hard. But you showed me that, through it all, I deserve happiness. Well, guess what? You deserve the same. We’ve put in our dues. We’ve suffered. We’re allowed to be happy now. Let’s build a life together—you and me against the world. And I guarantee, because of all the crap that we’ve overcome, we’ll appreciate it that much more.”

“I’m sorry, Sarah. Whoever you thought I was, I can assure you, I’m not. I will love you and this baby as much as I can for as long as I’m able. But I can’t give you the life you deserve. For me, life is simply existing until I die. You and this baby deserve a happy life.” I reach for my crutches and stand.

She stands with me, disappointment gleaming in her eyes. “And you don’t? Loïc, I want to help you. Tell me how. How can I make you happy?”

“Just leave me alone, please,” I plead as I start toward my bedroom.

From behind me, Sarah sadly calls out, “I’m not giving up on you.”

I ignore her as I shut my bedroom door behind me.

London

“I miss me.”

—London Wright

Looking through the front windshield as we approach Main Street in Los Angeles, my stomach does a flip as I readTHE TIMESengraved in the stone of the building high above the tops of the palm trees lining the street.

Yes, I said,palm trees. Score for California.

This is so surreal.

I thank my Uber driver and hop out of his car. I stand for a moment and let my emotions settle. I’m about to walk into my dream job and my new life.

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