Page 14 of Loving London

“Loïc?” Maggie’s timid voice resonates from the foyer.

It brings a deep ache to my chest. I will never be able to see or hear Maggie without thinking of Cooper.

I draw in a deep breath, attempting to steady my voice. “In here.”

Maggie walks into the living room. The second she sees me, tears begin to fall from her face, and she runs over to me. I sit up just as she wraps me in a hug. Holding me tight, she cries into my shoulder.

I hug her, rubbing her back, as she continues to sob.

“It’s okay,” I say even though I’m not exactly sure what that means. It sounds like the right thing to say to someone who’s grieving. Yet I know that what Maggie’s feeling is so much more than grief. And the fact is, I’m not sure anything is okay. Life is kind of messed up right now.

“I didn’t know you were back. How long have you been here?” she chokes out as she pulls away from our embrace.

“Almost a week,” I answer guiltily, knowing I should have called her. I was a coward.

“I had no idea. I stop by every once in a while to check on the house and get any random mail. I can’t believe you’re here.” She pulls her hands across her face, wiping the tears.

“I’m sorry. I should have called you. I’ve been having a difficult time with adjusting, I guess.”

“Are you okay?” Maggie asks, concerned, as she begins to scan my body. “Oh my gosh.” Her voice is high-pitched as the palm of her hand runs over the scars on my arms. She gently grasps the metal hinge that is now my new knee as her chest heaves with fresh tears.

“I’m fine, Mags. I promise.” I put my hand atop hers. “I’m okay. Please don’t cry for me.”

She lifts her woeful gaze up to mine. “I’m so sorry, Loïc. I’m sorry you got hurt. I’m sorry you lost David.” Her voice breaks as she says Cooper’s first name.

“I know. Me, too. I’m so sorry you lost him, Maggie. I would do anything to change it if I could.”

Maggie sits up next to me on the couch. I wrap my arm around her, and she leans her face against my chest. I hold her as she cries, and we mourn him together.

“Were you there when it happened? Is that how you got hurt?”

“Yeah.” I nod, trying to block out the visions of Cooper’s last few seconds on earth. “I was there.”

“I know you’re probably not ready to talk about it, and honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to hear it. But, someday, will you tell me about his time over there—his last day, his last moments?”

“Someday…” My voice trails off. “Just know that he died a hero, Maggie, and that he loved you. He loved you more than anything.”

“I know he did,” she says sadly. “It’s so unfair, you know?”

“It is,” I agree. “It is.”

The two of us hold each other within this space that contains years of memories, countless ghosts of Cooper’s past, of our past. It’s sobering. We’re two completely shattered people, Maggie and me. My chest aches for her grief as much as it does for my own, more so honestly. She deserves better than this. So did Cooper.

Maggie and I continue to sit in our embrace. Many minutes pass. The only sounds that echo through the room are Maggie’s tears and our collective breaths of sorrow.

Maggie’s the first to speak again, “Have you seen London?”

“No,” I answer simply.

She sits up to face me. “Why not?”

Closing my eyes, I shake my head. When I open my eyes to find Maggie’s stare, I hope she can see the reasons in my gaze because I don’t have the words to explain them.

“I just can’t.”

“She loves you, Loïc.”

“I know, but I just can’t right now.” I let out a sigh.

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