Page 7 of Keeping London (Flawed Heart)

“Oh! I want to see what you got but later. Let me go shower really quick, and I’ll be ready to eat.” She gives Cooper a quick kiss. “It smells heavenly, baby.” She continues, “I might or might not have puke splatters all over me. One of my patients was not digging the cafeteria’s beef stroganoff.”

Paige and I let out a collective, “Ew,” as we watch Maggie prance away in the deceptively cute purple scrubs with kittens.

“So, it’s a little over two weeks until you head out,” Paige says to Loïc and Cooper. “Any exciting plans?”

“It’s not necessary to constantly remind us, Paige. We’re all aware of the looming date,” I respond before the guys have a chance to.

“What? I’m just making conversation. You know what they say.Better late than never.” She shrugs.

“But you’re not late. This conversation is early—like, two weeks early,” I argue.

Cooper chuckles before answering Paige, “Not too much really. Going to spend as much time with Maggie as possible and visit all the family.”

Loïc adds, “Just spending time with London and, of course, meeting her entire family.”

“Aw, are you nervous?” I ask with a giggle.

“No, not all. If I can put up with you, I’m sure they’ll be cake.”

“Well, that’s unnecessary.” I throw a glare in Loïc’s direction.

He takes a step toward me and pulls me into his arms. His lips tickle my neck as he says, “You know I’m kidding.”

“They’re going to love you. You know that, right?” I ask him.

“I’m not worried,” he says before kissing my forehead.

“Good. You shouldn’t be.” I smile up to him, meeting his deep blue eyes that never fail to steal my breath away.

It’s thrilling for me to be introducing Loïc to my family. I’ve never really brought someone home to meet my parents before. It will be another first. I’m not lying when I say that they’re going to love him. They will.

Loïc doesn’t see it, but when he truly lets someone see the real him, he’s impossible not to love. He’s special and unique, unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Once he’s given you a glimpse of his true self, he has this almost magical allure to him that makes it virtually impossible to stay away. I know Loïc and I are going to make it in the long run, why wehaveto make it, because I’ve seen the true him, and I know his heart. And now that I have, any sort of happy life without him would be unbearable. Regardless of what the future holds for us, I will make it through anything as long as my happily ever after with Loïc is waiting on the other side.

Loïc

“I’m constantly in a battle, trying to silence the terrors, so I can hear the joy.”

—Loïc Berkeley

I bolt up, gasping, and reach next to me to find an empty space. I desperately pat around the bed in the dark.Where? Where?

The bathroom door opens, and London’s silhouette stands in the doorframe. “Loïc? You okay?”

I expel a sigh of relief and nod, still breathing heavily.

London makes her way over and slides into bed next to me. “Another nightmare?”

“Yeah,” I sigh as I fall back onto my pillow.

London rests her face on my bare chest. “You wanna talk about it?” she asks, concerned, her warm hand running back and forth against my skin.

“No, not particularly. Same shit, different day.” I had another nightmare revolving around Sarah, drugs, and her multiple sexual partners, all coated in the heaviness of loss.

My nightmares started to become regular again when I began caring for London, back at the beginning of summer. Now that Sarah has returned to my life, they come almost nightly. I can’t stand them. They obviously speak to my biggest fear, which is losing those that I love. Regardless of their origin, they make me feel weak. I hate that London has to see the aftereffects of them.

I haven’t physically seen Sarah since she went back to Florida six weeks ago, but I talk to her daily. She’s serious about moving up here when I return from deployment, and I’m happy about it, of course. Yet, at the same time, having Sarah back in my life has been causing more of my fears to surface, and honestly, I’ve already had as much as I can handle.

Things with London are so…strange. Okay, that’s an incredibly inadequate word to use to describe the current state of my life, but it’s fitting nonetheless. I’m in love with someone for the first time ever. Obviously, the presence of love brings with it all these immensely happy and satisfying sensations. But, for me, it triggers my fears and insecurities to yell louder than normal. I’m constantly in a battle, trying to silence the terrors, so I can hear the joy and appreciate the love. It’s a perpetual fight. Add in the fact that I’m about to go to a war zone for a year, and I’m fucked.

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