Page 73 of Keeping London (Flawed Heart)

Subject: Question 81

Loïc,

Yes, of course I feel that something happened. It had to have. It just doesn’t make sense that grandparents would abandon their only grandchild. I believe that there was something that stopped them from getting you. Maybe something legal? I’m not sure how all of that works. But the fact that they were in a different country had to present problems.

I think that whatever you find in regard to them will be good for you to know. The mind can create scenarios that are much darker than the reality. Whatever you find out, you’ll be okay. I just know it.

So, regrets? I hate this question because, as I go through my possible answers, none of them are as profound as yours. I know it’s not a competition or anything, but it makes my life seem shallow. I suppose, in a way, it was…is? No, I’ll stick withwas.

It seems so unfair that I have to put so much effort into this question when your life presented you with such a deep regret. The truth is, I don’t have many true regrets. Sure, there are things that I did or said that I’m not proud of. But I also know that each of those situations helped me grow as a person. I learned from every experience. Sometimes, the lesson might have taken longer than it should have to sink in, but I got it eventually.

I regret some of the silly fights I had with my mom or sister, but none of them had a lasting impact on my life. They were more about learning how to problem solve and mature. I’ve regretted opportunities that I didn’t take or didn’t work for. But all those missed opportunities brought me here, and I’m pretty darn happy with my life at the moment.

I wish I had talked to you about “cheating on me” last summer before assuming the worst and heading to a bar with ill intentions. But, even with that event, we grew as a couple when we talked about it afterward.

So, I guess, I’m sticking with no regrets. That should be my hashtag. ;-)

Question 81: Do you have any random fears?

I don’t think that I’ve told you that I’m afraid of fish. Yes, fish. I’m crazy, I know. Once, when I was little, my sister and I swam in a lake in Wisconsin, and a fish nibbled on my toes. It freaked me the hell out. It didn’t really hurt, but it scared me. So, now, I’m afraid to swim in lakes where fish can nibble on me.

How about you?

I’m working on some job leads. I will let you know how they go.

Stay safe. I love you so very much, Loïc Berkeley.

Love,

London

#noregrets

After I finish reading my email, I go back to browsing the Internet. I opt to wait a while before writing him another email. I’m hoping he’ll sign on any minute and we’ll be able to Skype. I’ve been searching online the past few weeks for local journalism jobs or writing gigs that would allow me to write freelance articles and send them in remotely. Leaving Michigan is no longer an option. I might leave someday, but it’ll be when Loïc comes with me. And I need a job with a little more challenges now. I think I’ve tapped out my potential with the job I currently have.

I have moments when I think that maybe this is all moving too fast. I’m twenty-three, and I’ve already planned my entire life with Loïc. A year ago, that was not the plan. I was going to work, travel, hang with my girl Paige, and enjoy being young and single until at least thirty.Who dreams of marriage before thirty anymore? Certainly not this girl. Well, until now.

Now, it’s all I think about—not marriage exactly…but an eternity with Loïc.Who wouldn’t want to settle down at twenty-three when they have Loïc at their side?Love is crazy. It turns sane, independent people into wide-eyed, mushy-hearted saps. And I love it.

Obviously, I wanted Loïc at that car wash almost a year ago, but that was lust, plain and simple. He was hot, and I wanted to conquer him and have some fun…for just a bit. I wanted to win him even if just for a night, and then I would send him on his way.Who knew that it would turn into so much more? Definitely not me.

Love’s amazing that way. It just kinda hits you, and when it’s real love, it’s for always.How could it not be? In true love, forever is the only option.

My phone chimes. Looking down toward it on the desk, I see Maggie’s name lighting up the screen.

A smile crosses my face as I answer. Maggie and I have gotten close since the guys left.

“Hey!” I answer cheerfully.

Maggie’s crying. My breath hitches.

Something’s wrong.

The desperation in her sobs is palpable, and I’m instantly filled with dread.

“What’s wrong? Tell me. What is it?” I beg, not able to take not knowing for one more second.

“He’s…he’s dead, London,” she says through broken cries.

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