Page 62 of Keeping London (Flawed Heart)

I let out a halfhearted chuckle. “Easier said than done. How do you not let it drive you crazy?”

“You just have to focus on what you have control over. You can’t focus on all the stuff you wish you could do because you’ll go insane. So, for example…I wish I could see Maggie today—hug her, kiss her, make love to her—”

“I get the picture,” I scoff.

“But I can’t, right? So, I try not to think about that. Instead, I think about what I can do. I can email her. I can reread the emails she’s sent, look at pictures of her—you know, stuff like that. I also make a checklist in my mind of what I’m going to accomplish today. I’ve already checked off a kick-ass run. So, next on my agenda is trying something new for breakfast, learning something new at our brief today, stuff like that.”

“Trying something new at breakfast?” I almost can’t get the question out without laughing.

“Dude, it doesn’t have to be monumental. How is the breakfast thing different than counting our steak and lobster dinners?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m just being a dick.”

Cooper continues, “I mean, our to-do lists here are going to be limited. But you have to have things to look forward to, things to try, to do…anything to keep your mind busy. Sitting around and pining over what you wish you could do would make anyone feel insane.”

“How do you handle the fear?”

“Like, the fear of dying?” he questions.

“For starters, I guess.”

“I’m not afraid to die, Berk.”

I skeptically look at him.

“I’m not.” He chuckles. “Honest. I mean, do Iwantto die? Of course not. But I’ve always just thought that I’ll die when I’m meant to. If I were meant to die tomorrow, I would die tomorrow whether I was here or not. The manner in which I’d go would vary if I were back home, but the end result would be the same. There’s no sense in worrying about it.”

“But what about the people you’ll leave behind? I suppose that’s what I’m more worried about.”

“It would suck for them, no doubt. But they would heal. They would move on. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, Berkeley. You know that better than anyone. But what I think you haven’t grasped is that you have no control over it. It’s going to be the way it’s going to be—good or bad. You just have to make the best out of it. If I die, you’d better not spend a second being sad, questioning it, or playing the what-if game. You got it?”

“Same goes for if I die,” I respond.

“Oh, I wouldn’t fret one bit.” His face looks smug.

“You’re a dick.”

He laughs. “You know I love ya, man.”

“What about the fear of Maggie leaving you?”

“I don’t worry about it. It follows the same general principle. Maggie’s not going to leave me, and if she does, she would have anyway. Nothing I can do about it.”

“That’s kind of depressing.”

“No,” he disagrees. “It’s actually the opposite. It’s more freeing than anything. When you get that all the worrying isn’t going to change the end result, you can let it all go. When you realize that you have little control over the outcome of your life, you can stop spending so much energy trying to control it…and just live it.”

I’m quiet for a moment, pondering over what Cooper said. “You know my entire existence is focused on control, right?”

“I do, and I’m telling you to let that part go.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Maybe, but you can try. All change has to start somewhere.”

“You know, you kind of freak me out when you go all Oprah on me.”

“Dude, you know I can’t help it. I was raised in a house with four women. Chicks love to give advice. It kind of goes with the territory.”

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