Page 98 of Slash & Burn

“What the—” I opened the Brawlers jersey, holding it up between us, my eyes glued to the letters stitched across the shoulders. It wasn’t Grady’s last name this time.It was mine.

“Do you hate it?” His voice came from the other side of the jersey. I dropped it into my lap, trying to hide my wobbly chin behind a smile.

“No, I don’t hate it.” I loved it. I loved it so much I held it up again, tears pricking the corner of my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but my whole heart surged with gratitude. “It’s beautiful.”

I’d never had a jersey with my name on it. I’d never played sports, and wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about. But seeing my name in those gorgeous yellow and white letters, I’d never been prouder to be part of a team. Not the Brawlers—me and Grady. This was as close to our team uniform as I’d ever get. And it was so pretty I couldn’t help but cry.

“Thank you, Grady,” I whispered tightly, when I lowered it back down again. He was watching me with a lopsided grin, like he wasn’t really sure if I liked it or was just being polite.

“You’re not against wearing your own name, I take it?”

“No. I love it. I’ve never had anything like this.”

He nodded, as if he’d known that when he had it made. “It’s fun, isn’t it?”

“It’s pretty cool.”

He shifted on the couch, plucking at his dress pants uncomfortably. “Well, since you like that,” he started, clearing his throat like he was nervous. “I don’t suppose you’d ever want to go to work at the Boston Public Library, would you?”

My jaw fell open and I didn’t rush to close it, staring at him like he’d just taken a hard left turn onto a different planet. “What?”

His expression brightened hopefully, and my heart started to race. “We have contacts there from some previous partnerships and I asked around?—”

“You did what?” My stomach plummeted, the idea of what that would mean. Moving to the city, a library about a million times bigger than our town’s and with programs that far exceeded the sophistication level I’d ever be able to pull off. I went zero to sixty on that idea so fast I felt like I was going to hurl.

Grady was still smiling. “It would be new and different, but you’ve proven you can handle it, Jill. This summer was a success because of you. And I’d be there to help you get used to the city. You could even live?—”

“Grady, stop. What are you thinking?” I stood up, needing someplace to put the hot, unsettled energy rioting through me. “How far did you take this?”

“Not far,” he said, turning and leaning forward, his elbows digging into his knees. “I just thought . . .” He looked at the floor, a deep, rattly sigh rushing out of him. “I just hoped it would be a way.”

“A way for what?” For me to suddenly morph into someone I wasn’t? For me to walk away from everything I wanted. He knew how much I loved living up here, near my family. Joey was about to have a baby; I couldn’t just leave.

When he raised his head, he looked so sad. And I realized he’d come here to tell me this, hoping I’d embrace this idea and I’d just shit all over him and his good intentions. “I’m sorry,” I rushed, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “I appreciate what you were trying to do. I just don’t want a job like that.”

He winced. “I get it. It wasn’t my place. I’m sorry.”

“I wish things could be different,” I whispered, the words scraping over my raw throat.

His eyes went big and round, and he took my face in his hands. “Me too.”

Grady and I had never said goodbye, but this finally felt like one. He pulled me close, his lips gentle and soft as he kissed me. It was a goodbye without words, because I knew when he walked out later, he wasn’t coming back. And so did he.

CHAPTER 38

GRADY

I’d sat at the end of Jill’s driveway long enough that the sun had started to set. My folks were expecting me for a celebratory dinner, but I’d been sitting there, trying to find some other way to make this thing work.

Leaving Jill with tears in her eyes was about as close as I’d ever come to losing it.

Losing my mind, losing my temper, losing the tight fucking hold I had on my reality. I was so close to letting all the frustration and heartbreak just break free. This was so brutally unfair, but I had no one to fight. No opponent, no asshole. I had no way to win this, and it was breaking me in half.

Finally I had to get on the road, so I peeled out of the driveway and headed for home. I didn’t get a mile down the road before red and blue lights lit up behind me and the siren blared.

You’re fucking kidding me. I slammed my hand into my wheel as I pulled onto the shoulder. I didn’t need this right now.

“Look who finally showed up.” Without even looking I knew it was Joey’s voice. “Step out of the car, please,sir.”

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