Page 94 of Slash & Burn

She studied me a second longer, her scrutiny telling me I probably hadn’t hidden my reaction well enough. But she gave me one more encouraging grin. “You bet.”

I slipped out of the car and shut the door, making my way back to the library as if on autopilot, still finding it hard to believe any of this was real.

You wouldn’t have thought so much stuff could be accumulated by one person in just five years of working at a place, but I’d managed to fill yet another box from my desk as Friday afternoon rolled around.

“I still can’t believe this,” Lis said, wearing the same guilty, forlorn expression she’d had on for the last two days. She’d been crying outright when I got back the other day after Cleo had filled her in.

“You’ll be fine,” I told her again.

I’d lost count of the number of times I’d reassured her. It was better than focusing on how I felt, though, so I hardly minded. Lis had been at the library a year longer than me. She was perfectly capable of doing my job, since she’d done it once before. She was just out of practice.

“I don’t want to be fine. I want to be excited about life. I want to come in here and rock on with my friend and make this world a better place one reader at a time.” Her flare for drama wasn’t intended to amuse me, but it did anyway.

“Just think of it this way; if they do another summer reading program next year, you’ll be the one with a hunky professional athlete on your arm.”

The sting hadn’t faded yet, but I could at least talk about the program and Grady without shuddering pathetically. Baby steps.

Lis scowled at me. “You say that as if any athlete would do. Or better yet, as if any of them would look at me the way Grady looked at you. That wasn’t just a product of proximity, so don’t act like I’d get as lucky.”

It would have required more heart than I had to argue with her. Especially since part of me thought she was right. I had gotten lucky. But luck runs out, and as I capped the last box, a familiar sense of hopelessness settled on my shoulders like a wet blanket.

“I’ll be back in a sec.” Hefting the box I backed out the front entrance. But I stopped short as I rounded the corner, two men leaning against the side of my car. As they swiveled my way at once, I let out an even heavier sigh. “Hi?”

Cash and Joey both turned, Cash coming over to take the box from me as I opened the back hatch of my Subaru.

“Mom told us today was your last day,” Joey said, his voice low, like he knew I needed some sort of explanation for Cash’s presence. It wasn’t completely out of character for Cash to be involved in family business, but it certainly wasn’t the norm either and Joey was even more stiff than usual as he stood beside our older brother.

Being several inches taller than Joey, Cash had to duck as he backed away from my car. “You got more?” he asked, as abrupt as ever.

I couldn’t remember the last time we’d exchanged more than a few pleasantries at a family gathering. When he came. It wasn’t that Cash was cold or mean, he just seemed to hold himself back. And none of us knew why.

“A few,” I answered, knowing it was pointless to tell them I didn’t need their help. Mom had sent them, so they’d be good sons and lift the boxes even if they weren’t that heavy.

“You holding up?” Joey asked before we got back to the library entrance. His concern was obvious even if he tried to conceal it with nonchalance.

I hesitated before I answered, noticing Cash paying closer attention to my response than I’d have expected. “Yeah. What else am I going to do?”

My brothers followed me inside and picked up the rest of the boxes. What would have taken me four trips took them one, so I guess it was more efficient this way. It still felt like overkill though, so I was happy when we got back outside and they slid them in the back of my car.

“You gonna look at the store?” Joey asked, as if he’d been waiting to get back out there alone to continue our conversation.

LeAnn’s excitement about this being a sign came back to me, and I leaned heavily into my hatch as I closed it. “I said I would.”

“What store?” Cash asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. He didn’t look like he was ready to pull his normal Houdini act, which only made Joey bristle more.

“There’s an open storefront in town, Jill’s thinking of opening a bookstore there.” Joey’s tone was ripe with irritation. He didn’t care to have Cash involved in my next steps.

“If I can get the bank to give me a loan.” I sighed, feeling like my family was constantly missing that part. They all just assumed it was me holding myself back about this, completely ignoring the very real financial mountain I’d have to climb to stock a bookstore, let alone get it up and running.

“You’ll get the loan,” Joey stated flatly, his unfounded confidence so like his wife’s I almost laughed.

“What bank?” Cash asked, and both Joey and I whipped his way.

“First.”

He nodded, his eyes on the ground before he looked up at me and said, “If you want me to go with you, I can. I know some people.”

He knew some people?Cash was the fuck-up of the family. He’d gone to California on a scholarship and then dropped out of school. He’d come back and worked menial jobs around town until he moved out and we hardly heard from him. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be associated with him in any crowd, but definitely not when asking for a large sum of money to be given to me on my word I’d pay it back.

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