Page 71 of Slash & Burn

“Pfft, of course you can,” I disagreed, letting her go to shut the backseat door and open hers for her. She went to move past me to get in, and I whispered in her ear, “You just distracted me, that’s all.”

A laugh bubbled out of her as she plopped inside and I shut the door. It wasn’t a lie; Jill was very distracting. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident. Sometimes simply by existing in the world. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Comeon,” I groaned, tightening my hands on the steering wheel. Traffic coming out of Boston in the middle of July was the worst. I wasn’t even to the interstate yet and I was sitting in a parking lot. My GPS showed red all the way to the New Hampshire border and then another section of it once I got into Maine.

Jill was going to kill me.

The team doctor had called me down for a second evaluation, since I hadn’t seen him the other day, just the physical therapists. I’d tried to reschedule, but Blaise was making the time to join for the update, so I’d had no choice but to scramble back to the city the day of one of our biggest reading events. And the one furthest away. We’d had to book a couple of hotel rooms for the night so we didn’t have to drive the long way back through the dark winding western mountain roads.

I’d promised Jill I’d get out of there on time, and I had. But I was already twenty minutes behind schedule now and I’d be lucky to roll in as the event got started.

I pulled my phone from the cup holder to shoot her a message.

Grady: Running late. Traffic

Jill: Please tell me you’re messing with me

I cracked a smile, because if I was going to fuck with her, this was not how I’d do it. But she was cute for trying.

Grady: Sorry. Not kidding

The bubbles popped up and disappeared a few times as I crawled toward the exit for 95. Usually things lightened up once we split off 93, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

Jill: Please hurry. I’ll wait as long as I can

I could almost hear the desperation in her voice. Jill had come a long way since the first events we’d done, but it was unlikely she’d ever get comfortable having that many eyes trained on her. And she shouldn’t have to. It was my job to put the crowd’s attention on me, instead of her and it pissed me off I was letting her down.

Grady: I promise, I’ll do my best

I sighed, feeling helpless, tossing my phone back in the holder right before it pinged again.

Jill: I know you will

Damn. Did she have any idea how good it felt that she believed in me like that? It was like with four little words she’d taken the knife away from my throat because to be honest, I didn’t care about being late for the event. I only cared about her feeling like I’d let her down.

The traffic cleared up for a while, but when the brake lights lit up again, I cursed out loud. There were flashing lights about a half mile or so up the road, so I was hoping I’d be past whatever it was quick enough to keep making up time.

When the cars around me all came to a standstill, two ambulances raced up the breakdown lane, their sirens wailing. I closed my eyes. I hated the way hearing that sound and seeing the red and white lights affected me now. Ever since the drowning I couldn’t stop the panic that rattled through me the minute I heard sirens, even in the distance.

And these were up close. Too close. Three lanes collapsed into one, slowly, cars creeping along, one car letting another go. The process was painful. I tried turning up my music, doing my best to drown out the flashing lights and the sound of metal being cut with a saw. It was a sick fact that humans were so incapable of looking away from the tragedy of another.

I kept my eyes on the bumper in front of me when it was my turn to crawl past the scene of a brutal accident. Several cars were mangled and airbags hung out of the doors and windows with blood dripping off them.

“Jesus,” I hissed, forcing my eyes anywhere but at the scene.

But even in my periphery shapes took form; a fireman with a crowbar, a stretcher with a body strapped in, and then an EMT on the ground bent over one of the crash victims. I swear I never turned to look head on, but I didn’t need to. I knew what it was like to have paramedics check on you, to have them immobilize parts of your body. I knew how cold a stethoscope felt pressed to your chest when you were already shivering with panic, and the urgent sound of your vitals being called from one person to another.

By the time I’d coasted past the scene and the lanes opened back up again I felt sick to my stomach. Cars bobbed and weaved around me, jostling to accelerate first while I slowly ramped up in the right-hand lane, sucking for air.

A handful of miles went by before I’d regained myself to the point I could get back up to speed, and with one look at the clock I knew there was no way I was going to make it. The event started at 3:30 p.m.

Grady: ETA 4:18

Jill: Ok

That was all she said, as I pushed the pedal to the floor. I managed to shave off a couple of more minutes, but by the time my tires squealed into the parking lot of the rec center, there was no way the event hadn’t already started.

I raced inside, but slowed my steps as I approached the auditorium. We’d never talked about what to do in this situation and I didn’t want to wreck whatever improvisation she might have cooked up. One look through the side door and I saw Jill on stage, her face beet red and her hands shaking. She was describing the series I was supposed to be reading from, and she wasn’t doingthatbad.

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