Page 40 of Slash & Burn

He scraped a hand down his face, tugging at his collar as if the button wasn’t already wide open. “I mean, of course, it changed some things. How could it not? But what I mean is, it can’t happen again. And I don’t wantthatto change things. You know?”

I did know. But that didn’t make the disappointment that curled into a fist in my stomach any better. “Yeah. Agreed. We’ve got a lot of summer left, so we’ll just go back to the way things were.”

Grady sighed, flicking his eyes my way. “Okay. Good.”

“Good.”

After a beat he asked, “Why did you change up the book today?”

My eyes closed as I remembered the tiny flicker of hope that had me plucking the hockey book from the rack instead of the one we’d originally gone with about polar bears. “I just figured you’d like it.”

“I did. But since when does my opinion matter?”

He wasn’t being snippy or sarcastic, and it only made it harder to admit the truth.

“It just seemed like the best way for you to reach those kids was to read a book about the thing you’re the most passionate about. They’re going through something really scary and hard, and you light up when you talk about hockey. I guess I wanted to let them see you like that, so they could feel just as inspired.”

If I hadn’t sounded like my teenage self with a crush before, I sure as shit did now. My cheeks were hot and I forced my eyes on the road ahead of us even when I saw Grady turn to look at me.

“Jill.” He released my name on a long, slow exhale, but I still didn’t look his way. “Thank you,” he said into the too quiet car. I hummed in response, giving him a quick nod, and thanking him in my head for not making any more of it. I’d already made too much of everything. But I wouldn’t do it again.

CHAPTER 17

GRADY

It felt like pushing my limit when I’d texted Jill to tell her about the baseball tickets the Brawlers had secured for us. My fingers had lingered over my screen for a solid five minutes before I’d strung the words together into any sort of coherent request.

Grady: So, the team got us tickets to the Sea Dogs this Friday. They want us to make an appearance, but I got them to promise we’d only be on camera one time at the very start of the game and then not again after. I know the PR manager for the Dogs so I can absolutely guarantee we won’t be featured more than that. You in?

It had taken Jill almost an hour to respond and I was halfway through my second glass of whiskey by the time she did.

Jill: Fine.

Given the circumstances, that was as much as I expected. In fact, I’d expected her to say no outright. This was way more about PR for the Brawlers than it was the library program and she’d have been well within her rights to decline. That she didn’t made me wonder if she was doing it for me.

As if she hadn’t already done enough.

I’d avoided Joey’s most recent invites to skate with his beer league, but eventually I was going to have to face the man. However, doing that with the knowledge I now possessed of how good his sister tasted, or the spellbinding sounds she made when she came on my fingers, was going to be a challenge. I’d never had any secrets worth keeping from my friends before, but now it was like I was some criminal just waiting to be caught and punished for my crime.

My best attempts to banish the memories from my mind had failed. I’d whacked off to the sights and sounds of her coming more than was even remotely appropriate since I also spent a considerable amount of time with both her and children.

I’d never lost it over a woman. Not once in my life. It made me feel like a fucking horned up teenager, just like the moment I’d first seen her, all hot librarian and entirely off limits. But whatever powder keg we’d lit in that pool, it wasn’t out of fuel and I kept waiting for the moment I fucked everything up by making another move.

Thankfully Jill was doing her part, acting more reserved than she had been since this started. I might not have liked the change, but it helped me keep my head in the game. And I was going to need it to pull off what I’d promised the marketing team.

“So,” I started hesitantly as soon as we hit route 25 toward Portland for the game. “I think you need some media training. Some on camera time to help you get past your fear.”

Jill’s head swiveled toward me in such slow motion it creeped me out. “Youwhat?”

“Just go with me here,” I said, sweat already making my palms slick. “You’re helping me with so much. I’ll do anything you need to make sure the library program is a success, but this fear is holding you back. Maybe we can work on it.” I glanced over at her hopefully. “Together.”

It was a dick move to play on Jill’s feelings for me here, but I needed to get her to at leastconsiderthe idea of being on camera or we were going to have a much harsher reality to face. I’d already gotten flack for not sending in any footage from the hospital. The nurses and parents had shared on social media, and the marketing team was livid I didn’t have any footage of my own. If I didn’t start shooting us doing these events they were going to make us do the formal interview, and there was no way I’d be able to shield Jill from it.

Jill’s expression was too flat for me to read as she sat silently watching the scenery go by. It was the time of year in Maine when the leaves were still that new green, but the trees had filled out enough that sunlight was filtered and the blue-sky backdrop felt rich with possibilities. Spring in Maine was nothing short of bursting with hope.

I, however, was struggling to hold onto my hope the longer Jill took to respond.

“You want to videotape me? Doing what exactly?”

---