Page 104 of Slash & Burn

“You always looked at Grady like he walked on water, and maybe that’s how you still feel. But I think you found something far more human in him this summer, and that scared you even more. Because that meant that he wasn’t the dream you’d accepted was always out of reach. It meant he was a regular man who was completely attainable. But only if you were willing to risk it.”

I might still think Grady walked on water. At least a little. But she was right, he was a whole lot more to me after this summer than he’d ever been back when we were kids. But that wasn’t holding me back. That’s what was breaking my heart.

“How exactly would that work, Mom? Me trying to run the store and him always gone? That’s not a relationship.”

Her sigh was half a laugh. “Oh, honey, yes it is. A relationship is whatever you make of it. Late nights and long drives and missing each other and sexy typing—or whatever you call it.” My face flushed, but she kept going. “You’re putting up a million roadblocks, but not one of them is more than you can handle. So long as you handle them together.”

It was so enticing, to believe her, to see a way where I didn’t get into bed every night stretching my hand to the other side, yearning to have him there.

“I don’t know if I can make that work, Mom. Missing him now hurts so much, but what if that’s what I end up doing even when we’re together.”

“It’s a different kind of missing, honey. One is the forever kind, and the other isn’t.” She nudged the frame. “It doesn’t seem like the forever kind is working out so well.”

It wasn’t just missing Grady. His whole life was framed in the public view. To be with him would mean having eyes on me, and the pressure of that was almost just as bad. But as I watched my mom look lovingly down at the photo of Grady and me, I felt a fresh sting of longing. Was I giving up too easily? Was I taking for granted what we had by expecting it to come without any strings or compromises?

I’d never thought of myself as someone who took the easy way out, but as my mom left—the frame still sitting on my desk—I worried maybe she was right. Grady had always been so far out of reach I’d never wanted to admit how much I loved him. And yet as a messy, broken, determined man, I’d fallen even harder. I just wasn’t sure if that would be enough.

CHAPTER 42

GRADY

As much as I wanted to head to Holden Cove for the grand opening of Love, ME, there was no way. We had a game in Toronto that same night. I knew better than to think Jill had scheduled the opening for a day I was guaranteed to be busy. She wasn’t like that. And she probably had never looked at a Brawlers season schedule in her life.

I’d been checking my phone enough that AJ was back to mean mugging me, but I wanted to see if any photos of the store got posted to the newly opened Instagram account. All it had up so far was a “coming soon” square. It was dying to see what she’d done with the old shoe store. But more than anything, I was hoping for a shot of her. It had been weeks since I’d seen her, and I’d worn a hole in the photos I had of her on my phone.

“Game time, Holloway. You ready?”

“Yeah, asshole,” I said, tossing my phone in my bag and turning to my locker to get dressed.

“We’ve got these guys,” Cooper said, nodding his head with a shit eating grin on his face. I hoped he was still wearing it after the third period.

Training camp and the preseason games had given us enough time to get Michum sorted on the line. We weren’t exactly perfect, but we were getting there. If nothing else, we’d learned where we were weak, so as we headed out onto the ice, we knew what was going to break first.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” I shouted as we piled in after the first period.

We were up one-nothing, and so far things had been running smoothly. I grabbed my water bottle, chugging it before ripping my pads off. I laid on the floor, stretching my hamstrings out as the rest of the guys did their thing. Some sat with their eyes closed, meditating on the bench. A few took quick cold showers to cool down and get their blood pumping. I usually liked to listen to a playlist for breaks, so I reached for my phone, spotting the notification as soon as the screen lit up.

Love,Me.Bookshas a new post.

I sat up straight, my eyes glued to the little squares. It was a carousel of images, one showing the front of the store, all decked out with balloons and lights. Then there was one of the inside, taken from up high, showing off the whole thing. Rows of bookshelves and a bright yellow corner with a pastel tent set up.

“The kids’ corner,” I mumbled to myself, laughing. It looked great.

But then I swiped and found the image I’d been looking for. Jill was standing with one arm on Joey’s shoulder and the other around Cash’s waist. LeAnn was next to her husband and Jill’s parents were on the other side of Cash. It was the whole family, smiling and laughing and looking so happy. A mean stab of jealousy got me right in the chest and I rubbed at the spot, my eyes fixed on Jill’s beaming smile.

“She in the middle?” AJ asked, bending low to look over my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I said, ready to ignore whatever shit came out of his mouth next.

“She’s pretty. That her store or something?”

“Yep. She just opened it tonight.”

“Oh, wow. Good for her.”

I looked up at him, trying to read if he was shitting me or something. But he just raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“You gonna just say it?”

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