Page 96 of Slash & Burn

I hadn’t needed to. Not really. The team had just taken over. I’d thought about calling Jill plenty of times, but it felt too hard. I wanted to ask how she was, but knew she’d stonewall me. And it wasn’t like I was going to volunteer how much I fucking hated waking up not knowing when I’d see her again. It was eating at me every day, but I told myself it would pass and to keep my eye on the prize.

AJ had been right. We were living two different lives and the best thing for both of us was just to move on. Knowing that and doing that were two different things though—just like dreaming about being the captain of the Brawlers was different than actually being chosen for the role.

In all the years I’d pushed and trained and fought to get to this night, I never thought I’d be looking over at an empty seat beside me knowing exactly who I wished was there.

Regardless of whether Jill was in the room with me or not, when Blaise called me up on stage and handed me my new jersey with the ‘C’ stitched into the shoulder, I felt her there. She’d helped me get back to this point. So, this dream wasn’t only for me and my dad anymore. It was for her too.

I just wished she’d been there to see it. I wished I hadn’t had to choose between this and her. Because now that I’d gotten what I always wanted, I realized it might not be everything I needed after all.

Cory: Hey man, congrats! You fucking did it.

Grady: Thanks Ellis

Cory: Does it feel good?

Grady: It does

Cory: You okay?

Grady: Yeah. Just got a lot going on with this new left wing

Cory: Gotcha. He gonna help you get the cup or what?

Grady: He better

Cory: You talk to Jill?

My heart twisted just seeing her name on my screen. We hadn’t talked in over a week. We’d never really said goodbye, but it felt like maybe there wasn’t a need to anymore.

Grady: Not in a bit. Been busy

Cory: You know she got let go?

I stared at my phone, the blood rush in my ears making it hard to hear.

Grady: What?

Cory: From the library. They canned her for some tech program

What the fuck?We’d worked our asses off all summer to make sure they got enough money to keep her job safe. What the hell had happened? And why hadn’t she told me?

Grady: Fuck

Cory: Yeah, some shit

I wanted to ask if she was okay, but I should be the one telling him that, not the other way around. I should be up there right now making sure she was all right.

Suddenly I felt like a complete asshole, because as distracted as I’d been and as much as Jill had seemed okay when I left that night, I hadn’t checked on her. I hadn’t made sure she was doing all right. Joey had been worried as hell about how she’d handle it when I left and while I knew Jill wasn’t the same person who crumbled when Adam left her, what if he’d been right all along? What if she wasn’t just busy with her own life and quiet cause she knew I had shit going on down here? What if she was really fucking upset that I’d just walked out of her life without even a goodbye?

Grady: Thanks for telling me

Cory: Sure man. You should call her

I was going to do better than that. She deserved a hell of a lot better than that. Especially from me.

CHAPTER 37

JILL

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