Page 25 of Slash & Burn

“See what? Seeyou?” She sounded genuinely confused, as if this wasn’t a disgusting display she’d walked in on.

“Yeah. I should be over this crap.”

I kept my eyes shut even as I felt Jill’s fingers close around my wrist. She didn’t try to move me away, she simply held me, rubbing her thumb back and forth across the soft skin.

“I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure thinking youshouldbe over something is the least helpful way to actually get over it.”

Whether she was right or not didn’t matter. In that moment I wanted to be a better version of myself, and I was failing. “You know what I mean.”

Jill stepped closer and I stiffened. The smell of her perfume lifted around me, and I felt the heat of her body as she pressed in closer to mine. Any other day and this kind of closeness would have brought on a completely different reaction, but I was too wrecked for that. Instead a wave of emotion rippled through me, just strong enough to rattle me from the grip of my panic. And then a deep ache bloomed, because the closer she got the closer I wanted her.

CHAPTER 12

JILL

His hands were shaking and his fingers were tangled in my hair so gently, making sure he didn’t pull too hard as he kept my eyes covered. His rough callused fingers were light on my face, but they gave me no chance to peek through at him. It ripped me open, hearing the tremble in his voice when he asked me to leave. As if I’d ever do that.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Grady.”

His breath rushed across my skin in a huff. “The fuck there isn’t.”

“Stop.” I ran my fingers over his skin, through the coarse hair on the back of his arm. “You went through something and you need to heal from it. That doesn’t change who you are.”

“My shoulder needs to heal. The rest of me needs to—” He bit back the rest of his words, and my ribs squeezed tight.

“Why didn’t you tell me to get over it before?”

“What?”

“I practically had a meltdown in there and you never once saidIwas messed up.”

“You weren’t about to pass out from nothing, Jilly. I’m barely breathing here.”

I stepped closer, taking a hold of his shirt and feeling my way to the collar so I could unbutton the top. I knew that wasn’t what he meant, but I needed to touch him. If he wouldn’t let me see him, I had to offer him some other sort of comfort.

“And the harder you fight it, the worse it gets, right?” I asked, gently stroking down his hard, wide chest, as if I could soothe the racing heart I felt under my fingers with just my touch.

Grady slumped toward me, letting out a defeated sigh, his voice so low I almost missed it when he said, “I just want my life back.”

“I know.” I took his jaw in my hands, the warmth of his skin against mine stirring something deep in my chest. “You’ll get it back. But not by sheer force alone. That’s how you win hockey games, it’s not how you help yourself feel safe again.”

When Grady moved, brushing his fingers across my cheek and raking both hands through my hair, I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to give him what he needed, and if it was a way to hide from me, so be it.

“I feel safe with you,” he whispered, his fingers playing in my hair.

“I’m glad.” I smiled, my eyes still closed, as my heart thumped so hard it rattled my ribs with each beat.

“It’s okay. You can open your eyes.”

I hesitated, pulling my lips inward. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Are yours open?”

“Oh yeah.” There was a rough awe to his voice, and I felt my cheeks pink at the satisfaction I heard.

I fluttered my eyes open, readjusting to the dim light of the windowless hallway. Grady was still holding me, still only inches away, and the flush of concern I’d come into the hallway with morphed instantly into something entirely different. Something I’d told myself I’d be a fool to let myself feel ever again.

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