Page 19 of Slash & Burn

Seeing it reminded me that I’d been avoiding my mother’s texts and calls. She wanted me to come out and stay with them for a couple of nights, but there was no way I was going to risk having an episode out there with them. And that didn’t even account for the fact I’d have to take the ferry across. I hadn’t been on the water since Florida. There was no way I was ready for that.

But even if I knew I was better off keeping my distance, it didn’t stop the guilt from eating at me. And as the boat pulled further and further away that sinking pit in my stomach only got worse.

“You miss it?” Jill asked, her eyes on me over the roof of my car.

I swallowed, shaking my head to clear the dark thoughts that were growing louder. “Sure. What’s not to miss about an island paradise?”

“Then why haven’t you gone out there? We have plenty of time between events.”

Sliding behind the wheel, I pretended to be busy backing out of the parking spot and getting on the road, buying time to think of a good enough excuse.

“I have training and stuff to do too. It’s just easier to stay focused here.”

Keeping my eyes on the road, I felt Jill’s gaze more than I saw it.

“I don’t know, maybe it would help. Being around people who know you, who you can trust. It might be good for you.”

We hadn’t talked about the thing in the gym parking lot since it happened, but there was no mistaking that’s what she was referring to.

“I’m doing alright. I’ll head out there eventually.”

She looked like she had more to say, but instead she turned, fixing her eyes out the windshield. I relaxed a little more in my seat. I didn’t want to talk about Peak’s or my family or whatever shit was still going on in my screwed-up head. I’d started off the morning in a really good mood. I wanted to get back to it.

“So, how about we stop for a bite on the way back? I could use a burger or something.”

“Are you going to suggest a sports bar, so we can mingle with more of your adoring fans?”

It shouldn’t have pleased me so much that the women from before were still on her mind. But the charge I got from thinking Jill was jealous felt too good to tamp down. I scratched my jaw to hide my smile, realizing the place I had in mind was exactly that. “We can go wherever you want. How about some bookstore café or something more your speed? Not a sports fan in sight.”

“There are no such things around here, and you know it.”

“That’s a shame. I bet a place like that would make a killing.”

“Honestly the numbers aren’tthatimpressive, but it’d be viable. And with the right marketing, there’d be solid profit in it.”

I whipped in her direction, a surprised smile on my face. “Have you run the numbers on this idea, Jilly?”

Her eyes went wide as her mouth fell open and it was as if she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “I did some research a while back. It was stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because the kind of capital needed to start up a small business these days is well out of my reach.”

I realized she was serious, and I turned to look at her again, holding her gaze as I asked, “For real, you want to open a bookstore?”

Considering how much she avoided attention I’d just assumed she’d want to play a background role in whatever career she had. Opening her own store would put her very much front and center. But given her love of books, the idea suddenly didn’t seem all that hard to believe. Jill wasn’t a big fan of attention, but maybe for the right reasons, she’d be willing to finally be seen.

“It’s not going to happen, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Hey,” I said, pulling into the parking lot of a local BBQ joint. Not exactly a bookstore café, but also not a sports bar. And the parking lot was empty enough I figured we’d be able to get away without any more fan interactions. “If this is something you want, you should go for it.”

Jill held my gaze, the briefest flicker of hope or excitement in them before she shook her head and it disappeared. “It’s a pipe dream, Grady. We don’t all get our dreams.”

Her words stung hard enough to stop what I was about to say as she pushed her door open and got out. To most Ihadgotten my dream. Playing in the NHL would have been more than enough for just about anyone else. But my dream was to be captain of my all-time favorite team. And it wasn’t as close to coming true anymore. The fear that I’d never see it actually happen was a sucker punch straight to my chest.

As I got out and followed Jill into the restaurant, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said. No one researches the financial possibilities of a venture like that unless they’re seriously considering it. If she’d come that close before, maybe I could help her get back to believing it was possible again. Sometimes all you need is one person who believes in you. I’d always had my family, maybe now Jill could have me.

CHAPTER 9

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