Page 126 of Down & Dirty

Did I really think Cory had taken it easy because of me? Because of what I’d said?

“I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she said, gathering her things. “And I’ll support you, no matter what. He fucked up. You’re the only one who gets to decide whether he can fix it.”

Cory wanted to fix it. I could see the regret in his eyes. He wasn’t defensive and he took the blame. But he wasn’t going to change his mind about racing. At least, not because I wanted him to.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, hugging my friend.

“Get some rest,” she said as she let me go.

That was my plan. My parents had already agreed to keep Micah overnight, so I texted Cory and Ronnie that I was exhausted and would see them back at the hotel or tomorrow. Ronnie, of course, only replied with the “thumbs up” emoji that he knew I hated. Cory’s text bubbles popped up and disappeared a handful of times before he finally wrote back.

Cory: I’ll see you back at the room?

Sky: Yes.

Cory: Okay. Sleep well.

If the sound hadn’t brought me comfort so many nights before, hearing Cory’s dreamy mumbling just before dawn might have scared me. I had gone to sleep alone in this hotel room, but my first reaction to hearing him was to smile. Being near him had come to mean peace and safety, and for a split second, before everything that had happened had a chance to rise to the surface, I snuggled into my pillow and relished the sound of him being so near.

My heart broke, piece by piece, as that sweetness fell away.

The medical files, the lies, the sight of Cory slamming brutally into the ground, writhing in pain...images and emotions washedover me with a fresh cruelty. And now he was lying beside me and I was afraid if I touched him, I’d hurt him.

“Gorgeous?” his whispered, voice breaking me from the spiral of my thoughts. “Are you awake?”

His voice was rough, like his throat was as tight as mine, and I couldn’t fight how much I missed him anymore. I carefully shifted closer to him, but not close enough to touch his side. I rested my head gingerly on his shoulder and he let out the longest, softest sigh, like it was the first full breath he’d taken in days.

“It ripped me apart watching you walk away.” His voice was shaking. His fingers played gently in my hair. His touch was as hesitant as mine, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed.

I wasn’t sure he was either.

My anger had not gone far, and the resentment I felt for him making this choice against everything we’d promised each other threatened to flood back in. But I had spent hours thinking about things, trying to understand him.

“It hurt me too.”

“I know, baby,” he said, curling himself around me, erasing the buffer I’d built. “We can get through this. We can make this work.” When his lips landed in my hair, I stilled. It felt so good to be in his arms, to sink into his warmth and let him hold me. “Please don’t leave me.”

How could he not see that it washimleavingme. Every time he got on that bike, he risked everything. How could he possibly not see that?

“I won’t try to win the whole thing. I won’t even go that hard. I’ll ride like tonight. Did you see me?” There was hope in his voice and I bit my cheek trying to keep from crying.

“I did.”

“I just need a few more wins. That’s it. I won’t go all out like I used to. I’ll bring it down, stay safe.”

There was no safe on a dirt bike, on a course with twenty other riders, hurling yourself over jumps and around corners designed to break you down. But he saw this as a compromise, he really believed he could keep going and not lose it all.

I leaned up on my elbow, Cory’s fingers tangling in my hair, unwilling to let me go.

“How much longer?”

“Just the supercross season. If I finish well enough, I’ll bow out of the motorcross half.” He brushed his fingertips across the line of my cheek, his eyes following the trail of his touch, the desperation in them twisting like a knife in my gut. “Please, Sky. I just need to finish this on my terms. I know you’re scared. But I can do this, and then we can walk away.”

“And if you don’t finish high enough?”

He hesitated, his gaze trained on my lips. “Then we evaluate.”

The defiance in his tone told me that even asking him that had pushed too far. He wanted to win the whole thing. Backing out of the motocross season would cost him. But even one more race felt like more than I could manage.

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