Page 142 of Patching Over

A husband to continue with the congregation’s plan to keep building. A husband to keep me tied to the house, pregnant, while he did whatever he wanted. A husband to subjugate me, keep me down, force me into a life of servitude.

That might have been how I was raised to be, but deep inside my soul, where my crushed dreams and hopes resided, was a rebellious spirit that knew there was more to life, and I wanted it and all it promised. I wanted to be happy, free, loved. Perhaps it was merely a pipe dream, but I was going to go for it while I wasaway at school. In my mind, nothing could hold me back from pursuing those dreams.

I hated to break it to him, but I planned tonevergo home. Ever. College was going to be my gateway out of the hell I’d endured for the past seventeen years. Never a kind word; never any affection or words of positivity. It was a miracle, at least to me, that I was relatively normal and not some kind of psychopath.

I managed to sedately walk across the stage to receive my diploma and the thick envelope the principal handed to me that had all the information for my scholarship. I was sure my father would choose my major for me, but I figured I’d be compliant until I turned eighteen, then all bets were off.

Once the ceremony was complete, I made my way over to my parents. My father snatched the envelope away from me then sneered, “If the school wasn’t paying for everything, there’s no way you’d be going to college.”

I didn’t answer, conditioned by years of his abuse to remain silent. He wasn’t telling me anything I wasn’t already well aware of since he had made it clear that he thought further education for a ‘lowly female’ was a waste of good resources.

Shaking his head in disgust, he states, “Let’s get out of here. I have a deacon’s meeting tonight.”

A deacon’s meeting. Somehow, I suspected that the God he had forced down my throat all these years wasn’t like what I had been taught by my peers and reading material. Because one of the things I had known from my own readings was that God was supposed to be about love, light, forgiveness, and goodness. Not abuse. Not torment. Not detestation.

I followed behind him and my mother, my mind whirling on what my future was going to hold while I tried to keep the excitement from showing on my face. No sense in piquing my father’s interest. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“Hi, I’m Belle, and you must be Moira,” the girl stated, grinning at me. “I’m so excited for this, aren’t you?”

Since she asked a direct question, I replied, “Definitely.”

“Do you need me to help you get your stuff put up?” she asked, looking around me.

True to his normal behavior, my father dropped me and my belongings off at the dorm I was staying in and left me without a backward glance to my own devices.

“I’d like that,” I said.

The girl sends me a scorching smile before saying, “Cool! My brother and some of his friends helped me out earlier. Oh! They got us a decent-sized mini fridge we can share, and a microwave.”

“I didn’t think we could have those in our dorms,” I replied, as I began hanging up my clothes.

Shaking her head, she corrects my assumption. “No, we can’t have those electric plate things, but Tony, that’s my brother, said he checked about the microwave.”

“That will be handy on those nights when we have to study late,” I stated, pulling out the plain sheets I’d been allowed to get so I could make my bed up.

“Oh, we’ve got to get you some color over here,” Belle said as she saw my matching comforter. “And some jeans for you.”

I glanced down at my long, drab skirt. I was so used to dressing this way, I wasn’t sure I could handle wearing jeans nor bright colored tops. But I was determined to fit in and not stand out, so that meant I’d do it, even if I was uncomfortable.

Moira, age 21

“We’re the perfect age to be camp counselors, Belle,” I whined, flopping back on my bed.

She giggled but didn't stop putting her clothes away. “So, you want to oversee a bunch of snotty, prepubescent boys and girls all summer long? Yeah, sounds likeno funto me, Mo.”

“Hot guys, kayaking on the river, swimming in the heated pool they have on the premises for the kids, suntans,adventures,” I retorted, remembering the brochure I saw, as well as the website I had perused for hours. “Did I mention the hot guys, Belle? You know what we’ve met so far at school, and you won’t introduce me to any of your brother’s friends.”

“Okay, first of all, ewww, my brother’s like ten or fifteen years older than me, at least,” she replied, shuddering. “I mean, he’s overthirtynow, Moira!”

“Just means he and his friends know what to do is all,” I teased, rolling away from the brush she tossed in my direction.

To say I had embraced my freedom after leaving home and going to college would be an understatement. Belle was my saving grace; she did what she called an extreme makeover on me, and I had stylish clothes, a haircut that flattered my face, and the ability to drink most of the frat boys under the table if I wanted to. I was still a virgin, but it wasn’t because I had any hang ups about being one, I simply hadn’t found anyone I wanted to be intimate with yet. I was confident it would happen, especially if Belle would introduce me to some of her brother’s friends. They were totally awesome; always stopping by to drop off money for Belle, or take us to dinner, although that was usually just her brother. Still, I knew as cool as he was, his friends, or brothers as he called them, were probably the same.

“They want to meet us today?” she asked. I could tell she’s caving a little bit from the thoughtful tone in her voice, and I wanted to cheer.

We graduate after this last semester once summer’s over, so this was kind of our last gasp of freedom before the ‘real world’ intruded and took over our lives. I was hoping I would be able to get her to ask her brother to help me disappear, so I didn’t have to go home and face my family, especially my father, as well as the life they’ve chosen for me.

“Yeah, I told them we could meet at the burger shop. We’d kill two birds with one stone since we needed to eat anyhow. Um, one thing, though.”

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