Page 59 of Bad Boys Don’t Date Clumsy Girls

After the doctor hangs up, we sit quietly with our own thoughts for a while. I’m so shocked, I can’t figure out what to say or ask first. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding my mother and now, suddenly, she’s become the focus of our lives. I have no clue if I can shift my mindset that quickly. But how can I not? It’s not like I could just go on with my own life and callously ignore what Mom is going through.

“I guess we should tell Grandma,” Joel says.

My first thought is that Grandma will say Mom deserves it. Unlike me, Grandma could easily ignore the situation and let her daughter try to figure it out on her own. I groan. “Do we have to?”

Joel chuckles, and it’s the best thing in that moment to hear him laugh. “We could just bring Mom home from the hospital when the time comes and see if she notices.”

“Joel.” I pick at my cuticle and gulp. “I don’t know how to care about this. I feel horrible that this feels like an epic chore that we’re being saddled with.”

My brother wraps his hand over mine and squeezes. “I don’t know either, Ava. I feel guilty that I can’t bring myself to feel anything.”

“Maybe we’re in shock?” I rest my head on his shoulder.

“Maybe.”

“Are we horrible people?”

Joel stares at the floor, considering my question. “No. Before Grandma came to live with us, we would go without food for two days sometimes. Do you remember that?”

“Not really. I do remember I liked having clean clothes to wear to school so kids stopped teasing me about smelling.”

Joel slumps in defeat. “I never had that problem. I’m sorry, Ava.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” I lean forward to look him in the eye.

“That’s my point. Our craptastic life isn’t our fault. Mom has been ignoring us for as long as I can remember. We’ve instinctively adjusted our schedules so we can avoid her.”

“I was just thinking about that. I don’t even know if I can not avoid her, you know? It’s so ingrained to walk past her room on eggshells, to coordinate the times I leave my room to be when she’s sleeping or after she’s left for work. How do we suddenly shift and feed her and care for her? Heck, I don’t know how to take care of someone.”

Joel is silent again, longer than I expect. His haunted expression bothers me, but I don’t know what to say or do to make it go away.

“You won’t have to do it alone, sis.”

I peer suspiciously at him. Is that sorrow I see? No. It’s regret. I growl and shove him. “You will not change your plans to move out because of this.”

He rights himself on the edge of the bed. “But you can’t do this alone, and Grandma will probably just make it more difficult by instigating fights with Mom.”

“You aren’t moving to Siberia. You can stop by every day. Do not put your life on hold because of this.” He looks at me and I see the guilt warring behind his eyes. “What would you say if our situation was reversed?”

“It wouldn’t be. You’d never be moving out first.”

“Joel!” I look up at the ceiling and say a silent prayer for patience. “That’s not the point. What if I said I wouldn’t move out after all because Mom needed help?”

Joel opens his mouth, but I see the lie forming.

“Be honest, brother.”

He huffs. “Okay, fine. I would tell you not to cancel your plans because she would never do that for you. But Ava, I’m not canceling my plans for her. I’m canceling them for you.”

I grab his hand with both of mine. “That’s worse. I can’t have that guilt on my shoulders. Think about it. If you don’t move out because of me, and I carry all that guilt around and then you harbor resentment, it’ll ruin our relationship. Do you really want to be responsible for that?”

Joel laughs and rubs the back of his neck with his free hand because I won’t relinquish his other hand. He rolls his head back and forth, and I hear the tension releasing through a series of tiny cracks and pops in his neck.

“I definitely don’t want to ruin our relationship,” Joel says. He pats my hands with his free hand. “Are you sure, though, Ava? I already feel like I’m abandoning you.”

“We’ll come up with a schedule. I still plan to get a job, and we can work together to make sure we are available as needed.” I stare down at our hand pile and smile. “Joel, I would never, ever want to be the reason you didn’t reach for what you want in life. We’ve endured so much and deserve to get out of this place and craft the life we want. Please, Joel. Please don’t use this as an excuse.”

“Okay. I won’t. But you must promise me you will let me know if it is too much. I will do whatever is needed to help.”

I slide my hands from the pile so that I can throw my arms around him. “We’ll get through this too.”

His arms snake around my waist and I rest my head on his shoulder. My brother. My rock.

He pats my back. “Let’s go tell Grandma.”

I groan.

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