I sigh. They rely on me at the shelter. Especially on weekends when there are more adoptions to keep the staff busy.
“Ava? You awake?” Sam whispers. After an extended silence, I feel the softest brush of a finger as Sam moves hair off my face. “I know you’re awake, Ava. People don’t sigh in their sleep.”
“I was sleep sighing,” I grumble, not opening my eyes.
“What kind of sigh? A sigh of discontentment? A sigh of reluctant acceptance?” Sam giggles. “I know! It was a sigh of pleasure, wasn’t it? Your dream man just gave you the best kiss you’ve ever had and made you sigh contentedly.”
I open a single eye and remain snuggled into my pillow. Sam lays facing me on the bed. “That would have to be a dream, wouldn’t it?”
Sam frowns. “Why?”
“The best kiss I’ve ever received?” I open both eyes as I arch my brows. “I guess any kiss would automatically qualify, since it would be my first.”
Sam’s gaze scans my face. “Not for a lack of admirers.”
I roll my eyes. “There are no admirers, Sam.”
“Ava.” Sam’s whispered tone is serious. “You need to stop punishing yourself for having a crappy mom. I’ve been telling you for years. You are not your mom. Neither are any of the guys who have expressed interest. The world is not filled with people like your mom.”
I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep again, just so I don’t have to look my friend in the sympathetic eye.
“Do you really think that you found the only three people on this earth who aren’t like your mom?” Sam asks.
My eyes fly open. “Three?”
“Bek, me, and Joel.”
I close my eyes again. Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking of him, but I thought Sam was including Dylan in the three. Of course, the third person is my brother. Sam and Bek may not know Joel well, since they never spend time at my house, but they both know how I feel about him.
“Don’t you have to get ready to go?” Sam’s tone is gentle. Like she knows she risks scaring me away with the question.
I pull the covers over my head.
Sam copies me and repeats her question.
I peek through one eye. Finding Sam hiding under the covers with me, a caring expression on her face, makes me sigh and open both eyes. My own gaze has to be swimming with my fear.
“I’m afraid to see him.”
Sam knows I’m referring to Dylan. “Why?”
Tears leak out of my eyes and track sideways on my face. “Please don’t tell Bek I said this, but he is really sweet.”
“I heard that,” Bek says.
My chuckle sounds choked because I’m still crying. I uncover Sam and me and sit up.
Bek swivels the bubble to face the bed. Her tone is gentle but persistent. “Why is that a problem?”
My stomach clenches. Silent sobs shake my shoulders. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I’m not even sure I can speak, I’m crying so hard, but I try. “I’m afraid.”
Sam scrambles until she can throw her arms around me. Bek jumps onto the bed and tucks up against my other side. I’m enveloped by my friends, and it makes me cry harder. My sobs shake the bed. Sam and Bek croon comforting words in my ears and the three of us rock back and forth like we’re riding the waves on a boat.
By the time my sobs subside, I’m questioning what I was crying about in the first place. My body is exhausted, and as much as I want to curl back up under the covers, I know I owe the girls some sort of explanation. I gently extract myself from the pile, and we each settle into our own comfortable spot on the bed. Bek rests a hand over my ankle, Sam’s is on my arm. It’s touching how they automatically act as my tether, keeping me grounded.
The fear has become its own entity in my mind and it’s standing in front of all my other thoughts. I have to think my way around it to remember what it is about seeing Dylan that has me so afraid. And when I remember, my body quivers with the realization that I now must admit it aloud to my friends.
I clear my throat.