Page 47 of Priest

I turned around and leaned back. “You deserve to have what you want, Ember. You can find a man who’ll protect you, love you, and provide for you if you want. Shit, as resourceful as you are, I’m sure that you can take care of yourself financially if that’s what you want.”

“I graduated from high school early while taking college courses. At twenty-two, I recently graduated with a master’s degree in public health with a concentration in epidemiology. I wanted to work with the CDC and study diseases and the spread of them. I had hoped my dream would be supported by my father and my fiancé.”

“You could still do that shit.”

“I can’t. I’m engaged to marry Daniel, and he’s very clear on the fact that his wife’s place is in the home.”

“Why the fuck are you standing by and letting these men negotiate your life, Ember?”

“You mean the way that you are?”

That shit silenced me for several seconds.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized after a while. “It’s a sensitive spot for me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I had all these ideas about what my life would be like. I haven’t met a man who I love yet. So, I allowed my focus to be on my studies and having fun until it was time to settle down. I don’t even think there’s such a thing as love.”

“What about the nigga who took your virginity? You didn’t love him?”

“Evan? Evan was my high school boyfriend, but we went off to college and lost touch before our freshman year ended. I mean, we knew how to contact each other, but we chose not to.”

“So, you didn’t love him?”

“I thought that I did, but I know now that I didn’t. I don’t even think it exists, Priest. So, why not marry a man who can take good care of me in all the other ways that matter?”

“What about your body? Your sexual needs. Do you honestly believe that Usher will make you feel a tenth of what I’ve made you feel?”

“It doesn’t matter, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What about your mom? What does she say?”

September’s fingers froze in my hair before she replied, “She died when I was sixteen.”

“Oh.”

There was something about the way she said her mother ‘died’ that let me know it was still a hard thing for her. She was still grieving, and I didn’t want to open that Pandora’s box. I decided to let that go. She’d discuss it if she wanted to. Besides, asking questions about that area of her life might cause her to start asking me shit that I didn’t want to talk about. And goingdown that path would only remind me of why her father had to die.

“What about you? Have you ever been in love?”

“Fuck no.”

“Don’t you believe in it?”

“Nah.”

“Why not?”

This was the bullshit that I’d tried to avoid.

“To be honest with you, I ain’t never seen true love. I mean, when I look around me at folks like Bell and Jagged, Torch and Chainz, Juicy and Lyon, or Kyte and Ox, I know their asses are hard in love. But even with them, they’ve all been through some changes. They’ve gone through some shit or taken each other through some shit to get to where they are today. I don’t have it in me to do all that. I’d rather just live the life that I do now. It’s much easier when you don’t put expectations on yourself for people to be the way that you need them to be. Placing expectations on a person might break them. And seeing a person break because of expectations they couldn’t carry can be hell. You might not ever come back from that shit.”

“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” she remarked.

September’s hand pressed into the side of my head. I laid my head on her thigh as she worked on the side of my head. She smelled like brown sugar and maple. Her thighs were soft, and I had to force myself not to turn my head and press my lips against them. If I did that, I would go too far and expect more.

“Just watching people.”

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