Page 91 of Stars May Fall

All at once it became too much, and I fell to my knees by her bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t want to feel this. I didn’t want to feel the impact of what she had done. But I did.

I took her hand, her skin impossibly soft. “Why? Why by the kingdoms did you do this? I never asked you to do this for me. I didn’t even know.”

Mother didn’t move. I held her hand, unable to let go. With the other, I fished in my bag for a small bottle of stimulant Sophie had given me in case I needed it when fighting. I rubbed the paste on her gums, hoping it would wake her.

The maid had run from the room, leaving me in silence yet again. I could feel all the layers of rock over my head, hear the distant screams of the Originals as the maid passed. How could she have been down here for a decade?

I angrily wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I’m a monster, aren’t I? I did this to you. I’m no better than the king.” And worse, I had considered leaving her like this so I could stay strong and protect what I loved.

But I could choosenotto be a monster. Even if it meant my death. Even if it meant leaving Sophie vulnerable. I could find that goodness inside myself that was separate from her.

Kingdoms, why was this sohard. I knew the right thing to do, it was just terrifying to face the potential cost.

I shook my head. We would find a new way to stop Kollenstar. And if I was too weak to contribute, I would trust Annabelle to find a way.

This is what Sophie would want. WhatIwanted.

With trembling fingers, I slipped the kryalcomy bracelet around Mother’s wrist, wondering if I would ever be strong enough to make it out from this terrible room again.

At once, I felt strange. My limbs felt weaker and moved slower as if they had weights attached to my wrists. A wave of dizziness lasted for a few seconds. My body was so dependent on stealing another’s life force, it was shocked to work without it. Was there any way to tell if I still had damage from that poison I had consumed a lifetime ago?

I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands into fists. Slowly, I stood, waiting for my body to adjust. I drew some strength from my reserve and the weakness became less pronounced, my feet finding their balance. My body still felt strange. Unfamiliar. Clumsy.

I turned my hands over in front of me. Was I dying now? Without mother’s vitality, would the damage from the poison slowly kill me all these years later?

I wanted to live for Sophie, to give her everything she deserved from life. But I knew she wouldn’t want me to do that at the expense of another.

I just wished…

My mother stirred. I staggered to her side, my feet not moving as I expected, and sat her up in my arms. She responded to the motion, but her eyes stayed closed. I gritted my teeth. I needed to get her back to Highfair and summon the royal physicians. How I would explain to them what was wrong withher, I had no idea. But between them, Sophie, and Callum, I hoped that she’d recover.

I’d never ever wanted to be the source of her death.

I scooped her into my arms; her body was incredibly light, for which I was grateful, but I still had to draw on all of the energy left in my reserves. I positioned her carefully and started the difficult climb up the stairs, each footstep slow and unsteady. Kingdoms, I hated feeling so weak. It made me vulnerable.

The stairs were far harder than I anticipated. My muscles ached to the point of pain, and my chest struggled to pull in enough air as I pushed and pushed and pushed. But it felt like my penance, and with every step, I grew more confident that my decision was the right one.

As I stumbled out of Lyrason’s front door, my legs felt so weak, I almost fell down the steps onto the drive below. I collapsed into a sitting position, needing a rest. The last time I had paused here, I’d been ready to burn the place to the ground. The clouds cleared, and the sun shone directly on Mother’s face. She stirred again.

“Kasten?” Her voice was so weak and hoarse, it was almost unintelligible.

I looked down at her in surprise. How could she recognize me? She had been unconscious for over a decade and probably hadn’t seen me for sixteen years. “Mother,” I managed. My voice sounded distant and emotionless.

She was studying my face with eyes squinting in the sunlight. I staggered to my feet and lifted her again, ignoring the screaming protest of my muscles. I carried her down the steps to the shade of the nearest lime tree before sitting down more carefully. The grass was cool beneath me and autumn leaves rustled down the driveway in the wind, no servants sweeping them away.

Mother lifted her hand, and it didn’t quite reach my face. “I had…always hoped to see you again. Well.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and I clamped down on my lips, looking away. Mother lifted a trembling hand slowly to my face. “My boy. You’ve had to be so strong. I’m sorry. I’m glad I could give you some of my strength, even though I wasn’t with you.”

I was sobbing freely now. Everything I’d ever known shattered inside me. I shook my head in anger. “You shouldn’t have done it. It’s made you sick. My life wasn’t worth you throwing yours away.”

She smiled, a thin, weak, beautiful smile. “You were and are worth everything.”

“I stole your life, Mother.”

She shook her head. “No, it was a gift. You never took a thing. I merely gave. And I don’t regret it. It meant a part of me could be with you, nourishing you, always.”

I wiped my face on my shoulder and looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. “Where is the haemalcomy pole on my body? Can’t I take it off?”

---